Meditation

This morning I readied myself and set forth for my class. Attila has stopped cleaning off my vehicle for me, with this last snowfall, when he cleans off his. He had always done this, and I have always appreciated it. That really stung this morning, as it is the first time it has come up, that the courtesy is no longer extended to me. This is part of the “only think of myself” mission I suppose. I can clean off my own vehicle, that is not the issue, it is that I have to face the loss of an intimacy that I had valued. My days are full to the brim with losses, and there will be more, and more significant losses to come. Deconstruction continues.

Yoga was interesting today. I attended before, and it was an easy place to be friendly, while busy with a shared activity. This time round though, a social element has been added, with imaginary play, sitting in a circle and throwing an imaginary ball at one another for about 20 minutes. To be honest, even at the best of times, I wouldn’t enjoy this type of social interaction. Right now however, I find it distressing. The first ten minutes I managed to hide my discomfort, but I think my feelings must have been showing on my face, and/or body language, because inclusion in the game fell away me, and I was left to mostly sit watching the action, faking laughter when everyone else laughed, a smile pasted on my face. One of the women mentioned, as we were putting on our winter clothing to leave, that it was just a bit of fun. I responded that it was good to have fun, in as positive a way as I could, remaining as smiling and friendly as I could. Everyone else appeared to enjoy it, and I am happy for them. I don’t feel the same way about it though, and I found myself watching every minute go by on the clock during the imaginary ball throwing portion. I have paid for five more classes, and so I will attend what I paid for.

The yoga class is about all that is affordable and available, unless I drive 40 km to the nearest city. I think I will have to do that, to find activities that I can physically handle, and also enjoy. I have had a look, and there do seem to be quite a few activities I could handle and afford, so it is a matter of signing up, and driving there and back when I want to spend an hour or so with other people. The winter is a bit of a stretch, it is quite a drive, and night driving in bad weather isn’t my favourite thing to do, but needs must. Also, I have to pay for a series of classes up front, so if the roads are bad my recreational funds have been spent for naught.

I attended a meditation class in the city last night, and I really liked it. It was interesting, as there were a variety of people there, so very different from one another. Fascinating. People greeted me at the door with smiles and a welcome. It was almost a full house, and people were pleasantly chatting to one another, a very friendly, easy atmosphere was created. When out alone in a strange setting, I am aware of everything around me. There was a fellow sitting in front of me with an iPad, who was taking pictures of everything; when I noticed his camera targeting me (I could see the view screen), I managed to duck behind his head so as not to be in his photograph. There was another fellow sitting a few rows up from me, who from time to time leaned to the left and farted, very odd. He tried to make eye contact with me at one point, I stared past him. The fellow sitting right next to me on my right fell asleep near the beginning of the meditation segment, and spent the entire meditation time sleeping, breathing loudly, and snorting from time to time. Despite all of these little things that I noticed, the room was full of very good energy, and it felt good to be there. I will go again, and look forward to it.

After my class Attila and I attended a music event, which we both enjoyed.

It was a pleasant evening out in the city.

A bit of a rough day emotionally. Some small things came up between Attila and I this morning before he left for work which I need to think through, and work through my feelings. And the emotions involved with cleaning off Tank needed to be dealt with. It is tough work.

After hitting some snags while working on the website project, I have cleared a hurdle and can now proceed again. I really welcome this bit of work right now, it will help to keep me grounded, and prevent me from spinning off into my heartbreak.

Worldly Distractions

Weather

-7°C
Date: 12:00 PM EST Wednesday 17 January 2018
Condition: Light Snow
Pressure: 102.7 kPa
Tendency: Falling
Temperature: -7.3°C
Dew point: -9.3°C
Humidity: 86%
Wind: SW 13 km/h
Wind Chill: -13
Visibility: 2 km

Quote

“As long as you derive inner help and comfort from anything, keep it.”
Mahatma Gandhi
1869 – 1948

A Decision

This week a decision was required. I have been attending a yoga class, offered weekly, but which I do not attend weekly. The pay as you go class has suited me well. Many weeks I do not go, because there are other things that I want to do during that time slot. The classes require a Membership to attend, as well as the weekly fee. The organization has made a “business” decision, to require a three month commitment and prepayment for classes beginning immediately. Since my annual membership fee is also due, the cost is more than I am willing to invest; I wanted to buy new boots and you can’t have everything. Today I sent a note saying that I will not be returning to the class. The only thing I will miss is the instructor, who is excellent.

The decision to end my attendance at the yoga class led me to seek a new way to keep myself limber and flexible. I checked out DVDs on amazon.ca and rejected those, the one’s I liked were $60 or much more, not really feasible. Then I decided to see what YouTube had. I found a suitable, for me, set of very gentle daily yoga routines, that are provided free of charge online, from the University of Wisconsin Department of Family Medicine and Community Health. I will be following these routines daily, or almost daily. There is one each for the morning, for the afternoon, and for the evening. That will give me a longer “workout” than the yoga class I was taking for one hour a week. And I can afford to continue with it as long as I like.

Walking in the winter is problematic for me; the snow accumulates on the roads and ice forms in patches, making the footing uneven and unpredictable. It is too cold, and too wet, to walk in my running shoes.

I have solved the issue of walking on a slippery surface in the winter, but not the issue of uneven surfaces. I have a new pair of boots, they are neoprene, and are relatively non-slip. I chose the low rise boot, as it is easier to get on and off, and I still have my old boots which are quite high and will be worn if I need to walk through deep snow, which will be a rare event here at Mist Cottage.

I was due for a pair of boots this winter, as my regular pair are 10 years old and were inexpensive rubber boots from Canadian Tire, a reasonably priced chain department store. Terra recommended Bogs, which were what I ended up buying. Of course, I tried on a dozen or more different pairs of boots before settling on the Bogs, I had to be sure. The sales person, a young woman, was most gracious about spending so much time showing me what they had in stock.

Today I went for my first walk in my new boots. It was a beautiful sunny day, cool but not frigid. The weather has been mild, the roads are relatively clear and the walking surface even. This is my first time out for a walk in the neighbourhood in weeks! The Bogs were comfortable, made snug by an added insole that I took out of my old boots and put into my new boots. I felt very sure footed in The Bogs, even when I had to walk over frozen icy patches down the side of the road; I was still cautious though. So far, so good!

My new boots. These are Bogs, neoprene boots with warm lining, good to -40C. I think these will last me a very long time!
Bogs

Worldly Distractions

Weather

-1°C
Date: 1:00 PM EST Wednesday 27 January 2016
Condition: Not observed
Pressure: 101.9 kPa
Tendency: rising
Visibility: 24 km
Temperature: -1.0°C
Dewpoint: -10.7°C
Humidity: 48%
Wind: W 22 gust 32 km/h
Wind Chill: -7

Quote

“The lesson which life repeats and constantly enforces is ‘look under foot.’ You are always nearer the divine and the true sources of your power than you think.”
John Burroughs
1837 – 1921

Tired!

All of the changes and hard work have suddenly caught up with Attila and I. We are tired! Attila was transferred to another plant, in the same city where he was working before Christmas, as of Monday. It is like starting a new job all over again, all new people, all new tasks. He is adjusting well, but he feels a bit worn down. He is working straight nights, at least for now, and now works 8 hour shifts. We need to adjust to the change from 12 hour shifts to 8 hour shifts. This first week will be the roughest, as we struggle to adjust sleeping hours. Next week should be a bit better, and a bit better every week after that. Apparently the company moves people around their various plants to best accomplish most needed tasks.

My sleeping patterns are completely disrupted. I slept but two hours last night, arising in the middle of the night, frustrated and awake, to do laundry in order to keep myself occupied. I napped for about two hours in the afternoon, but I still feel like I have been hit on the head with a rock, which is how I feel when I am extremely tired. I have my fingers crossed that I will sleep well tonight.

Attila took an extra nap today as well, adding two hours to his “night’s sleep”. I think he is past the peak of tired now, and from here on every day will get easier. The hope is that by next week the chaos of change will begin to settle into a pattern for both of us.

The weather has warmed considerably, and it is 1C out there as I write, 9:30 p.m. I managed to get out for a walk this afternoon, and because the temperature was above freezing, my knee functioned without complaint. Today was my yoga class, and despite feeling like I had been hit on the head with a rock, I took myself off to do yoga. I always enjoy it when I get there, and today was no exception.

The happily ever after is, after all, full of ups and downs and all arounds. I wouldn’t want it any other way.

Worldly Distractions

Weather

1°C
Date: 9:00 PM EST Wednesday 6 January 2016
Condition: Mostly Cloudy
Pressure: 102.7 kPa
Tendency: rising
Visibility: 24 km
Temperature: 1.2°C
Dewpoint: -5.3°C
Humidity: 62%
Wind: SW 16 km/h

Quote

“If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant: if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome.”
Anne Bradstreet
1612 – 1672