Blogmas Day 6: Misplaced

Sunshine! It is amazing how much cheer a few rays of sunshine can add to a room. After a bright and sunny morning, the clouds returned in force, snow is predicted.

I’ve spent a good part of my morning looking for the information sheet the hospital provided for me before I checked out after the colonoscopy, can’t find it. It has been misplaced. How is this even possible! This is a small house, how many places are there that I could have put it. No luck at all, still haven’t found it. I’ve put is somewhere “logical”, but is beyond me just where that might be. This happens from time to time, I assume it happens to everyone. How frustrating!

Today was the day I had to deal with the huge bill received for the repairs to Tank. Ouch! The repair cost more than new windows for the whole house, and that really hurts. Of course it cannot be paid in one go, so I came up with a plan of borrowing and paying back that will take us well into 2019, but it isn’t so tight a strategy that we will suffer. Our belts will be tightened, but we will still be housed, warm, well fed, and able to transport ourselves to work in Attila’s case, and to medical appointments in my case. Really, that is all we need, and when I think about it, it is about all I want, so a sort of balance has been achieved.

Transportation is a huge expense, and not often counted in the assessments of quality of life. Here at Mist Cottage we spend much more of our meagre income on transportation than we do on either food or shelter, as one must include the cost of the vehicle, the insurance, the fuel, and the maintenance; it all adds up at an alarming rate. I have fond memories of living in downtown Toronto, walking everywhere I needed to go, with an occasional foray further afield via public transportation, and even more occasional drive to the countryside to go camping with my girls. Most residential constructs in Canada are such that one must have some sort of personal transport in order to function. Just obtaining food supplies is a major operation without a vehicle, where most people in Canada live.

After Attila arrived home from work, off we went to the garage to pick up the car. The bill wasn’t unreasonable, and since it was a maintenance visit, the bill was manageable. I sighed with relief. [Confession: I wrote the previous sentence mid-afternoon, as an experiment in positive thinking, think happy thoughts and everything turns out all right, right? I knew it might be, in reality, an exercise in delusional thinking. As it turned out, the bill wasn’t unreasonable, but that outcome may not negate the possibility of delusional thinking. Still, it was much more fun to think that if I wished hard enough, things would turn out the way I wanted them to.

Worldly

Weather

1°C
Date: 11:00 AM EST Thursday 6 December 2018
Condition: Mostly Cloudy
Pressure: 101.6 kPa
Tendency: Falling
Temperature: 1.1°C
Dew point: -2.0°C
Humidity: 80%
Wind: WSW 23 km/h
Visibility: 16 km

Quote

“The weird thing about houses is that they almost always look like nothing is happening inside of them, even though they contain most of our lives.”
John Green

Blogmas Day 5: Canada Post

Sometimes bureaucracies get so big they topple over and crush the little people below… Canada Post comes to mind.

I bought a gift for my Mom, which was supposed to be delivered today, just to cheer her up, as she has a few health issues to contend with the moment. Well, it won’t get there on time. Why? See the image below for the sad tale of how the package left for a three-day round-trip journey, ending up back where it started and nowhere near my Mom’s house.  And I will add that the claim that the delay is due to weather or natural disaster is bogus, I live here in Ontario, there are no current weather events or natural disasters going on, unless you call a big cow pie of misinformation a natural disaster.

In reality there is no big inconvenience due to this cockamamie trip the package went on, and the fact that it will arrive where it is supposed to go late.  Was this a stressed out employee?  An angry employee?  A careless and indifferent employee?  Who knows, the post office is mostly broke, and it doesn’t look like it is getting fixed.

tracking list from Canada Post

Tracking list for my Mom’s gift, there and back again!

I enjoyed my breakfast of Turmeric Breakfast Cookies and coffee with maple syrup and almond milk. I am looking forward to a lunch of Chili and a slice of probiotic bread. I haven’t decided what to prepare for dinner yet, sometimes I don’t decide until five minutes before I start to prepare it.

The day passes pleasantly when there are frequent breaks involving tasty food and beverages! Perhaps this is universally appreciated, I do know Attila and I share this propensity to enjoy our bits of culinary delights.

My nose seems to be recovering nicely, no bleeding so far, although there is still a spot of blood now and again in the right nostril, it seems to be taking longer to heal than the other nostril. No discomfort, and no bleeding, brilliant!

My gastrointestinal health is returning, so that is a relief, and my back spasms are diminishing every day, so recovery is looking good on the colonoscopy front as well.

The car goes in for servicing this evening, and Attila will use Tank to travel until it comes home from the garage. Funny old world, the bill for Tank’s repairs just arrived, the same day as the car needs to go in for routine servicing, and also the day Attila let me know that the car needs new tires. We will have to be very patient getting all these bills paid!

Worldly

Weather

0°C
Date: 12:00 PM EST Wednesday 5 December 2018
Condition: Mostly Cloudy
Pressure: 101.7 kPa
Tendency: Rising
Temperature: 0.2°C
Dew point: -3.7°C
Humidity: 75%
Wind: SSW 9 km/h
Visibility: 24 km

Quote

“They sicken of the calm, who knew the storm.”
Dorothy Parker
1893 – 1967

Not this gal!

Blogmas Day 4: Surprise

A sunny day here today.

Terra dropped by this morning with Sunny and Sky and Willow. How can Grandchildren be so cute! Such bright little souls! They are so active, like twinkling lights as they dash here and there. They knew exactly who I was, telling me that they were at “Grandma’s house” as they came up the front steps of the house. Willow is four months old, she is alert, watches her older brother and sister with great interest, as if she just can’t wait to get moving and join them. The big attraction on this visit to Grandma’s house were the boxes of oranges and clementines that were stored on a lower shelf in the kitchen. As Terra and I sat in the living room, we heard a series of loud thumps coming from the kitchen. I came around the corner and into the kitchen just in time to see Sky toss an orange down the length of the kitchen floor, he was bowling with oranges. I persuaded him that rolling the oranges and clementines was a much better idea, so he and his sister had a wonderful time bowling with oranges, aiming for invisible pins. They even picked up every last orange and clementine and returned them to the boxes for Grandma. Too soon they were putting on their boots and coats, getting ready to take Terra’s friend to the hospital, as the friend had been in a terrible accident on the highway a few days ago, and needed to be taken to her doctor’s appointment. It was a horrendous accident, and she walked away from it after being hit full speed by a transport truck, which is nothing short of miraculous.

I don’t know where the time goes, but it isn’t hanging out at Mist Cottage, it flies right on by.

I had taken a break from consuming apple cider vinegar (ACV) daily, and took the habit up once more over the weekend. I mix two tablespoons of honey with boiling water in a mug, let it cool for five minutes, then add two tablespoons of apple cider vinegar. The first time I tried this I didn’t care for it all that much, but the taste has grown on me, and I now look forward to it as a treat. Another treat in my diet is my Turmeric Cookies, which make tasty and satisfying breakfast.

Tonight was another Instant-Pot-dinner night. I sautéed hamburger, added chopped onions and browned, then added two cups of water and deglazed. Next the vegetable steamer was placed in the pot over the hamburger mixture, and diced potatoes and carrots were added, with a bit of freshly ground pepper sprinkled over them. The Instant Pot was turned on, fifteen minutes later pressure was reached, twelve minutes later the cooking was complete, and fifteen minutes later the lid came off, the vegetables were removed from the pot, the gravy was thickened with a flour and water mixture, and then dinner was served.

it is getting dark much earlier! The days grow short, perhaps that is why time if flying by!

Worldly

Weather

-4°C
Date: 8:00 PM EST Tuesday 4 December 2018
Condition: Clear
Pressure: 101.9 kPa
Tendency: Rising
Temperature: -3.5°C
Dew point: -8.2°C
Humidity: 70%
Wind: WSW 13 km/h
Wind Chill: -8
Visibility: 24 km

Quote

“Life is full of surprises and serendipity. Being open to unexpected turns in the road is an important part of success. If you try to plan every step, you may miss those wonderful twists and turns. Just find your next adventure-do it well, enjoy it-and then, not now, think about what comes next.”
Condoleezza Rice

Not all surprises are created equally!

Blogmas Day 3: Frayed

spools of different coloured thread in a box

This sampler of 100% Polyester Coats Drima thread was purchased in 1971. I bought it to make samples for bulletin board displays, and for classroom demonstrations, when I taught Home Economics in the public school system in Ontario, Canada.

Today I am mending my 25-year-old parka, worn every winter, all winter, since it was purchased in 1993, on sale, but still expensive. I am mending my 25-year-old parka with my 48-year-old sewing machine, a machine purchased in 1970 to use for my “Haute couture” class at Ryerson University, which was Ryerson Polytechnical Institute at the time of my attendance. The first machine purchased was an inexpensive Singer, which wasn’t up to the job, so it was returned, and the Lotus Elna was purchased, specially priced at a trade show in downtown Toronto. The thread I am using to mend the 25-year-old parka, with the 48-year-old sewing machine, is 47 years old, purchased in 1971 when I was teaching Home Economics sewing classes in the public school system in Ontario. The thread was used for making samples for bulletin boards, and for classroom demonstrations, and was purchased at my own expense, because I wanted more colours than my tight classroom supply budget would allow. The spool of thread is one of the 70 spools of thread that came in a box. Every colour is different. It is Coats Drima thread, 100% polyester, and still as good as the day I bought it. There are about 50 spools of thread left.

The cuffs on my parka have worn to the point where they are frayed. The cuffs have been fraying for a few years now, and I have been ignoring that. Now though, the frayed threads are getting long and getting in my way. Various methods of repair were considered, but in the end a simple zig-zag stitch along the frayed edge was chosen. Two rows of stitching were sewn, one to secure the edge, the second stitched further into the sleeve to add support and stability to the edge stitching. It doesn’t look beautiful, there are very short and jagged threads along the edges of the sleeves, but it is functional and will probably last another 25 years, because I plan on getting another 25 years out of this parka if possible. After that, I might buy something more fashionable than functional.

frayed parka cuff

The parka cuff is quite frayed, but not too bad for a 25-year-old daily-worn garment.

repaired parka cuff

The repaired cuff, not all that pretty, but super functional. No more frayed threads will be catching in my gloves or on objects when I am using my hands! This parka is good to go for another 25 years, I am game for it!

Worldly

Weather

0°C
Date: 1:00 PM EST Monday 3 December 2018
Condition: Mostly Cloudy
Pressure: 100.4 kPa
Tendency: Rising
Temperature: 0.4°C
Dew point: -1.4°C
Humidity: 87%
Wind: NNW 24 gust 35 km/h
Visibility: 24 km

Quote

“Seek not happiness too greedily, and be not fearful of happiness.”
Lao-tzu
604 BC – 531 BC

Worst New Year’s Eve Ever!

It was a hell of a day yesterday. Attila changed his mind, suddenly, again, and again feels the marriage is over, and that what he wants out of life is to “smoke cigarettes, paint (art), listen to loud rock music, and only think about himself”. He says he is running out of time and that is what he wants to do with the rest of his life.

Yesterday he was brutally honest, not in the least bit gentle, and did spend all night talking with me, filling in the blanks, answering my questions. The upshot is that although he says he still loves me more than anyone else in the world, it is not enough for him to want to be in a relationship with me, or to even consider me more than “just a friend”, not even a “special friend”. He says he doesn’t want to be responsible for anyone else’s happiness, that is too much of a burden for him.

Being responsible for my unhappiness it seems, is acceptable.

What a way to end 2017!

On Friday night I slept for about five hours, an improvement. We didn’t sleep last night at all, talked all night. We went to bed around 7:00 a.m., but I only fell asleep for a few moments here and there, awakened each time by the intense emotional shock, pain, and grief. Actually, I think my insomnia over the past week or so has been my subconscious reading the signs and reacting. I feel as if I will never sleep again.

Attila slept like a baby, a deep peaceful sleep, his decision has been made. Attila is not experiencing any sense of loss over this, and no pain at all. He is doing what he wants, and does not want to concern himself with my feelings, or anyone else’s. His willingness to talk things over with me won’t last, it is mainly guilt, and a bit of concern for me since he had “been rough on me today”, that motivated him to interact with me, I know that. So I took advantage of that window of communication to find out as much as I could about why my life is falling apart. Attila does not intend to interact with me much in future, and he no longer considers me his spouse. He is willing to move out, but not determined to do so at this point.

This is all very painful, actually more painful than the first time he announced he was moving out, earlier in December. Perhaps it hurts more because he came back the last time, citing his announcement as a “terrible terrible mistake”. Apparently the “terrible, terrible mistake” was mainly that finding an apartment was not flowing well, and his gut reaction was that it was a sign that he was going about this break up the wrong way. This is not what I was led to believe at the time… life is full of surprises.

My broken heart is colder than the wind chill factor today.

What a New Year’s Eve! Attila is in the kitchen cooking himself one of his favourite dishes, playing his music, whistling happily along. Me, I am collapsed in pain in my easy chair, tired beyond belief, nauseous and unable to eat, feeling like I’ve been hit by a bus and left in a ditch. I drift between denial, rage, and a deep, deep grief.

Jarringly I suppose, I wish you all a Happy New Year, filled with peace and love and kindness!

Worldly Distractions

Weather

EXTREME COLD WARNING IN EFFECT
-24°C
Date: 8:00 AM EST Sunday 31 December 2017
Condition: Mainly Sunny
Pressure: 102.8 kPa
Tendency: Rising
Temperature: -24.2°C
Dew point: -27.9°C
Humidity: 72%
Wind: NW 14 km/h
Wind Chill: -34
Visibility: 24 km

Quote

“Grief teaches the steadiest minds to waver.”
Sophocles
496 BC – 406 BC

“The only sure thing about luck is that it will change.”
Bret Harte
1836 – 1902