Disowning Projection

International Women’s Day today. I’d already written the topic below when I realized what day it is. Not one single person in my world of face-to-face contact mentioned it, and not many, perhaps not one, would know what I was talking about if I mentioned it. So, I’ll mention it here.

I’m actually doing pretty well with the situation at work, managing to get through the time and sleep at night. I’m on a regime of medication to assist my stomach through the month of March, which is flaring up from the stress, the stress of the day to day with herself, the negative coworker. I am lucky enough to be working almost every day in March, but with herself. The silver lining, adequate work, is shiny and bright and much appreciated, the cloud itself keeps me busy keeping dry.

Here is a day in the life, my life, my working life to be specific. Working with my negative co-worker is a challenge. Here is part of yesterday’s interaction. I was busily working away, minding my own business. She came around the corner, stood watching me work and began to converse, which I cannot reject out of hand without causing a lot of conflict, been there, done that. She is in charge of the office, the boss, when we are working together.

Her: “you get a pension right”
Me: “do you mean a pension from this job?”
Her: “ya”
Me: “no”
Her: “you don’t get a pension!”
Me: “no”
Her: “you get benefits right”
Me: “nothing but the hourly wage minus union dues, taxes, usual deductions”
Her: “you don’t get benefits”
Me: “nothing”
Her: “nothing!”
Me: “correct, nothing”
Her: “I don’t blame you for being to so bitter”

Bitter? Every conversation is some sort of head game, a setup for future gossip with the other employees and/or the community. She will continue her efforts to entrap for hours, she seems to thrive on it. Maybe she has learned this from her favorite TV show, Survivor; I doubt it though, this seems ingrained. It seems she lives to gossip, loves to stir up conflict, loves to repeat what people say, out of context, projecting her own dysfunctional perspective onto anyone [disowning projection] who is not present to defend themselves. I have to listen to her for hours every day that I am there. They really don’t pay me enough! Where oh where is the relocation I asked for! As another employee who refuses to work with her says, “life is too short”.

It is quite possible that at the end of March, having spent almost every day with this individual, I will be feeling quite bitter. However, that feeling will go away when she does, or, more accurately, when I stop working with her. I know that relocation is coming, I know it!

Thank you dear reader, for your forbearance of my efforts to project this unhealthy experience onto this page.

Worldly Distractions

Weather

-14 °C
Condition: Cloudy
Pressure: 103.5 kPa
Visibility: 16 km
Temperature: -9.0°C
Dewpoint: -14.1°C
Humidity: 67 %
Wind: ESE 9 km/h
Wind Chill: -19

Quote 

“A bully is not reasonable – he is persuaded only by threats.”
Marie De France
12th Century

“If it were not for history everything would happen at once, if it were not for geography everything would happen to me… ”

Written on a stall wall in the washroom of the By The Way Cafe, Bloor Street, Toronto, 1991.
[I have my reasons for loving geography!]

Notes

Disowning Projection

In a projection , a person attributes certain aspects of him or herself to others (→ Attribution Processes ). The process is closely tied to → identification in the psychology of personality. A disowning projection involves attributing negative aspects of the self to others, such as “selfish motives, evil intent … [or] stupid attitudes” ( Cameron 1947 ). Cameron includes the exclusion of those characteristics from the self as part of that projection (hence the disowning portion of the name). Theoretically, a disowning projection should be contrasted with an assimilative projection , in which a person similarly projects his or her own qualities onto others. Although both are projections, the content and effects of the projections are quite different. When negative characteristics are projected, the person who is projecting disassociates him or herself from the characteristics. When positive characteristics are projected, no such disassociation occurs. Instead, the person who is projecting maintains the view of him or herself as being described by these characteristics, and, after projecting them onto others, sees him or herself as similar to those others.
Source: http://www.communicationencyclopedia.com/public/tocnode?id=g9781405131995_yr2011_chunk_g97814051319959_ss55-1

Marie de France

Marie de France was a poet, in France and England during the late 12th century. Little is known of her early life; from the simple but literary Anglo-Norman French in which her works are composed, it is supposed that she was raised in Normandy. Her name is known from a line in one of her published works: Marie ai nun, si sui de France, which translates as, “My name is Marie, I am from France.”

Her written works include 12 “Breton lais” (or lays), the “Ysopet” fables, and the Legend of the Purgatory of St. Patrick. The first record of Marie de France is about 1160, with the last known record being at about 1215. One of her works is dedicated to a “King Henry,” the other to a “Count William”; it is thought that these refer to Henry II of England and his oldest son, William, Count of Salisbury. As the wife of Henry II, Eleanor of Aquitaine was well known to be a patroness of troubadors and other artists, it seems logical to assume that Marie de France was a member of their court.
Source: http://www.biographybase.com/biography/de_France_Marie.html

Microscopic Scale

Just what are The Fates up to these days? I’m not talking world economic crisis, political unrest, environmental disaster or atmospheric anomaly. If I can’t figure things out at my microscopic scale, there is little hope I’ll be able to resolve anything at a larger scale. I’m beginning at the beginning, which is me, in my case, you in yours.

Attila and I made a bold move, we bought the little house in the city to transplant ourselves near our beloved children. Shortly after the purchase Attila was given a promotion at work and his working conditions improved significantly. In the present economy his job is not replicable, not even close, in or near the little house in the city. He and we cannot afford him to leave his job. Hmm…

My job search has been intense and extensive, both here in the country and near the little house in the city. It has come to my attention that finding employment is unlikely. So my hope that I would find employment in line with my education, experience and qualifications is only a pipe dream, in this great country of Canada. So I will not be able to find work to support us if we move to the little house in the city. Hmm…

When we bought the little house in the city both daughters were living close by it, Luna and Terra. Since we bought the little house in the city Luna has moved away once, a few hours away, not too bad. But a second move is about to take place taking her and her little family far away and largely out of reach for visits. Hmm…

Here is the thing though. We love the little house in the city. We love the house. We love the neighbourhood. We love the milder weather. Most of all, we love being near Terra and Lares. We enjoy doing our little projects to bring the place back from the brink of extinction. I pined for the place at times during the long, long winter of bad weather and foiled travel plans.

A move to the little house doesn’t look imminent. Who knows what The Fates will bring; they haven’t left any crumbs to lead the way through the forest.

The whole experience still seems positive, even if it hasn’t gone according to original plan.

What I wish for is that the disparate parts of my life, whatever they are, weave together to create a cloth, a whole that is greater than any of its parts; that that cloth remain healthy and vibrant and that it sustains my dreams as well as the practical aspects of life.

Here are some sisters who I don’t know at all, found their little show on a youtube search for the song Side by Side. They have the right idea.

Worldly Distractions

Weather

-17 °C
Condition: Clear
Pressure: 102.5 kPa
Visibility: 16 km
Temperature: -17.0°C
Dewpoint: -18.6°C
Humidity: 88 %
Wind: NW 9 km/h
Wind Chill: -2

Quote

“I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.”
Bill Cosby
1937 –

Notes

The Fates
“The Fates were three mythological goddesses and may refer to:
Moirae the Fates of Greek mythology
Parcae, the Fates of Roman mythology
Norns, numerous female beings who determine the fate or future of a person in Germanic paganism
Three Witches, characters in Shakespeare’s Macbeth
The Fates, characters in Disney’s Hercules”
Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fates

What I have in common with trees.

View from the kitchen this morning.

View from the kitchen this morning.

The sun was supposed to shine this morning, but it hasn’t shown up; there are hints in the distance that those shafts from heaven may strike us yet. White horizontal lines underlined in black mediate the the thick determined tree trunks, as they reach out in hope towards the return of light. Their luck is ours; we have a lot in common with trees.

This morning Attila and I are tidying the place. The dishes are almost done, the laundry drying on the racks in the living room overnight has been neatly folded and placed in drawers and hung on hangers; soon we will enjoy a quick breakfast before moving on to bread baking, income tax preparations and wood chopping. A day of quiet domestic occupations, in a world hushed behind a veil of white.

The imagination and costumes are a great way inspire enthusiasm. So I’ve found a “bread baking cape” which isn’t a cape at all, but an apron. I am more inspired by a cape than an apron though, so in my mind it has become a cape. Its my fantasy and I’ll do what I want to. Colour is good, in this black and white world of March, so today I’ll don my “bread baking cape” as I set out to mix and knead and bake.

Bread Baking Cape: to be worn backwards

Worldly Distractions

Weather

-10 °C
Condition: Mainly Sunny
Pressure: 102.4 kPa
Visibility: 16 km
Temperature: -10.0°C
Dewpoint: -11.9°C
Humidity: 86 %
Wind: N 13 km/h
Wind Chill: -1

Quote 

The Cape
Songwriters: Clark, Susanna; Janosky, Jim; Clark, Guy;

Eight years old with flour sack cape
Tied all around his neck
He climbed up on the garage
Figurin’ what the heck
He screwed his courage up so tight
The whole thing come unwound
He got a runnin’ start and bless his heart
He headed for the ground

He’s one of those who knows that life
Is just a leap of faith
Spread your arms and hold you breath
Always trust your cape

All grown up with a flour sack cape
Tied all around his dream
He’s full of piss and vinegar
He’s bustin’ at the seams
He licked his finger and checked the wind
It’s gonna be do or die
He wasn’t scared of nothin’, Boys
He was pretty sure he could fly

Old and grey with a flour sack cape
Tied all around his head
He’s still jumpin’ off the garage
And will be till he’s dead
All these years the people said
He’s actin’ like a kid
He did not know he could not fly
So he did

Happy Endless Winter

Caitrìona arrived home from Florida on Thursday afternoon about 4:30 p.m. She left Florida on Wednesday morning, drove all the way to southern Ontario by herself. She arrived home, did a few little things and headed out the door to play bridge. What a gal!

Snow since this morning.

Snow since this morning.

The roads here have been bad the last few days. I worked this morning and at one point on the drive, the car was sliding sideways off the road. Managed to keep it true though, and soldiered on. By the time I headed for home the roads were wet, but not slippery. Since arriving home we have received around two inches of snow. It is sticking to everything!

The Internet connection conked out last night, and still wasn’t working this morning. A quick call to Rogers and the fellow did something mystical and it was suddenly working. I suspect that since we have been viewing Netflix our usage has increased significantly, and that they throttled the account, requiring a call in to get it “fixed”. Could be wrong though, maybe it was just all our lovely snow that brought the Internet down. I’ll never know.

If winter won’t go away, then we will just have to start the whole thing over again. So, Attila prepared a full course turkey dinner to mark the endless winter. Turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes, peas, squash and sweet potato. Then there are the leftovers. Happy endless winter!

It was laundry day today, and the racks of drying clothes are adding much needed humidity. The bills are paid (and we caught up!). The filing is done. The bit of legal paperwork on my desk has been brought up to date and awaits signatures before it is submitted.

And it is still snowing.

Worldly Distractions

Weather

-1 °C
Condition: Snow
Pressure: 101.4 kPa
Visibility: 1 km
Temperature: -0.5°C
Dewpoint: -0.6°C
Humidity: 99 %
Wind: NNE 13 km/h
Wind Chill: -5

Quote 

“I’m not afraid of facts, I welcome facts but a congeries of facts is not equivalent to an idea. This is the essential fallacy of the so-called “scientific” mind. People who mistake facts for ideas are incomplete thinkers; they are gossips.”
Cynthia Ozick
1928-

Go Away Winter

Go away winter.

Never mind the ink not flowing in the pens this morning, my fingers won’t move. I have to type everything in at least twice because my numb old fingers can’t find the right keys. Will this winter ever end! Homeless people are going to heaven for surviving this without any kind of shelter. God help them.

I’m warming my cloths by the fireplace this morning, they should reach the toasty temperature of 14C beside the heater, if I’m lucky, before I have to put them on. I wanted to take a shower this morning, but it is just too cold in here to contemplate disrobing entirely and becoming wet. Today things are supposed to warm up out there, and by tonight the house may be warmer and more comfortable. I’ll have my shower tomorrow morning regardless of the indoor temperature, by that time getting clean again won’t really be optional if I want to go to work presentably.

This week is due to be very cold, it will be a week to put behind us with pleasure.

Here is someone I hadn’t heard of, but for the last episode of Northern Exposure. Once I had heard this song I had to find out more about it.

Worldly Distractions

Weather

-26 °C
Condition: Sunny
Pressure: 103.9 kPa
Visibility: 16 km
Temperature: -26.0°C
Dewpoint: -28.5°C
Humidity: 80 %
Wind: calm

Quote

“Adversities such as being homeless and going to prison has made many people stronger.”
Philip Emeagwali

(If you want a glimpse into what academic infighting can involve, read this http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Talk:Philip_Emeagwali . I admit I didn’t read through the whole thing, couldn’t make myself do it. “Fiddling while Rome burns” comes to mind, buy hey, who am I.)