Growing up I used to think that other people knew things I didn’t know. As I have aged I have come to the conclusion that I was right. The things they knew were things that came from not knowing other things… the things I knew. Because I knew the things I knew, I could never know the things they knew, nor could they ever know the the things I knew, because our childhood was over, and nothing can substitute for the experiences during the formative years. The cards had been dealt, the thing we had in common was that we had to play the hand we had been dealt.
I came to accept that it was not possible for me to know the things that other people know. I consider it hubris, and ignorance, to think that one can acquire through any “after-the-fact” analysis, the complexity of a lived experience. I am surprised at how many people demand to know the things I know, without having to have the experience. It doesn’t work like that. A person is only a tourist in another person’s lived experience. One can be compassionate, empathetic, kind, and supportive, but they will never really be able to grasp in all its complexity, the experience of another human being.
I respect what I don’t, and cannot, understand, which is another person’s experience.
My hand has been very hard work to play. There has been no time for whining, or feeling sorry for myself; that is a luxury not afforded by the hand I play. When I express my feelings, my thoughts, it is about optimizing my chances of survival. The survival of my integrity, my heart, my soul, and my body. I refuse to give up expressing myself for the sake of making less self-disciplined people, or people who received more advantageous cards from the dealer, or people who spend their lives pretending that all hands are dealt equally, or people who are predators waiting for any chance to use their advantages to take more than their fare share of resources, more comfortable. Their comfort is not my primary concern. My comfort is not their primary concern. Their comfort does not trump my comfort, nor do I expect mine to trump theirs. On a personal level, it is a balanced equation. On a social level the card game is not dealt with integrity; I believe that the universe seeks balance, and will have it.
The universe can play the long game, humans cannot.
Date: 10:00 AM EDT Wednesday 31 August 2016
Condition: Mostly Cloudy
Pressure: 101.3 kPa
Visibility: 16 km
Wind: SW 16 km/h
“While the fates permit, live happily; life speeds on with hurried step, and with winged days the wheel of the headlong year is turned.”
5 BC – 65 AD
“There are so many men, all endlessly attempting to sweep me off my feet. And there is one of you, trying just the opposite. Making sure my feet are firm beneath me, lest I fall.”
These two little videos brought tears to my eyes. Durr is hinting at the way I see the universe, I fell less alone.