A quiet day. It was snowing this morning. It is sunny now.
I’ve been working away at editing sources. I take breaks to have a drink of water, to stand at the window and look out at the pines dancing with the breeze, to eat a few almonds, and just to walk about in circles for a bit.
Most days I work in silence, only the small sounds of domestic life around me; the fridge cycling, the clock ticking, Mist having a little snack or a drink of water.
Today I have music playing, a Songza collection called Coffee Shop Sway, very pleasant.
And then it happened. I thawed!
I’ve been dealing with a lot of minor misery for the last few months. Winter, my former employer’s shenanigans, three government agencies to appease, working at an unpleasant location, driving on bad roads… the list goes on. When things are too much for me, as they have been, the genuine parts of my personality go on vacation. Parts of me simply cease to exist, as there is no sane environment for them to live in. It is as if my genuine self is encased in a thick layer of ice, cold and impenetrable.
So working away, with the music playing in the background, a short melodic phrase, familiar in its joy, shot through that icy shell. I stopped breathing for just a second, in shock. And then there I was, completely me, happy to be alive, happy to be myself. Joy feels like dancing with the sun, sleeping with the baby, flowing around boulders with the stream; Every cell alive, seeing the beauty in the people, in the place and in the invisible connecting strands that allow vision and awareness.
I am so grateful to be spending time in a world that deserves my respect and trust. I am so grateful to know the difference between an environment that deserves my respect and trust, and one that does not.
I have much to let go of, and I think I’ve finally sent some of it off into the universe. Bonne chance and farewell.
Condition: Mainly Sunny
Pressure: 101.7 kPa
Visibility: 16 km
Humidity: 36 %
Wind: WNW 26 gust 41 km/h
“Joy is prayer – Joy is strength – Joy is love – Joy is a net of love by which you can catch souls.”
1910 – 1997
… and let them go again!