Some days you just need a good weep. Today was my day.
After an almost sleepless night, I arose just as Attila was leaving for work. He let me “sleep in” until after 7 a.m., bless his soul.
There were a few issues brought to my attention yesterday. One made me feel “mad”, the others made me feel sad. Each of these issues warranted my healthy emotional response. In each and every instance, I did what I could, what I thought was right, and had to let go of the outcomes which were beyond my control. Sometimes your best is just not good enough. I feel sad when that occurs in my life.
These feelings can be quite intense, which is temporary, and part of the process of processing. Usually I soldier on, tolerating these feelings, one foot in front of the other, trusting to the unknown to take matters in a gravitational flow towards decency.
This morning though, something unusual occurred.
This past week I have been publicly voicing an opinion about a public issue that I could not ignore. My voice was deleted, in both of two instances. Computers are great for that, erasing all dissent. In one case it was to my benefit. In the other the individual sought complete control over the interaction, and destroyed input that did not align with his agenda, which was not an admirable course of action. Remarkably, his agenda involved protesting the silencing of dissenting voices!
This morning I was surprised to receive a thank-you message, from out of the blue, from someone who had seen one of my postings before it had been deleted. This individual thanked me for doing my civic duty, and alerted me to the action which was taking place to resolve the issue, action that had resulted from my posting.
The upshot of this unexpected positivity was that I sat with my head in my arms, at the dining room table, and wept. I wept until I could weep no more. Then I got up and did the dishes.
These issues are what they are, and will evolve as fate allows. I will be monitoring my actions carefully, as always, to ensure that I act from a position of integrity and respect for others. That is within my power.
The other issues are still pending. It is my hearts desire that they turn out well for the good people involved.
Sunny and cold here today! We are warm and cozy in the house, the wood for the next firing is sitting by the masonry heater. Mist is snoozing and snoring quietly in her basket. The first set of tea towels have been hung on the windows. I am contemplating fetching some of the soup bones that Terra gave us, from the freezer, to make soup. There is nothing quite like “cooking from scratch”, to keep your hands happily busy.
Now it is time to move one foot in front of the other, move towards today’s sunshine, and the things I can do something about.
Date: 9:00 AM EST Monday 30 December 2013
Pressure: 102.2 kPa
Visibility: 16 km
Wind: NNW 13 km/h
Wind Chill: -31
“With coarse rice to eat, with water to drink, and my bended arm for a pillow – I have still joy in the midst of these things. Riches and honors acquired by unrighteousness are to me as a floating cloud.”
551 BC – 479 BC