The Emptiness of Space

Writing, I hope coherently, is helping me maintain an internal balance.

“By virtue of that intactness, we have been able to make great bounds in what we can learn from them [artifacts, plates, teapots] about who made them and how they were used.”
Source: ARTfix Daily

Interesting how in our current culture professional (non-domestic) careers can be made looking into who used plates and teapots.

Another cold snap has arrived, and is predicted deepen so that Saturday night the temperature will drop to -28C here, and colder to the north. Sunday should bring warmer temperatures and more snow. While this is going on, the eastern seaboard of North America is being battered by severe winter weather conditions:
“The storm strengthened Thursday into a “bomb cyclone,” the dramatic name for what happens when a storm’s pressure plummets as it explosively intensifies. Though forecasters said this storm was among the most powerful ever observed on the East Coast, much of the cyclone actually remained in the Atlantic Ocean as it lashed the coastal states.”
Source: The Washington Post

Yesterday I gathered strength, downed a quick breakfast, and drove to the city to the walk-in clinic. I have needed to do this for months, since October really. There should have been a follow-up ultrasound to check on the significant gallstones, and the cyst in my kidney. I also want a CT scan of my head, to eliminate the possibility that I have an aneurism. The doctor was one I had not met, quite efficient, relatively friendly, and he will see that appointments are made to have the tests done.

When I came out of the walk-in clinic, which is downtown, I had some time left on the parking meter. It was an opportunity to walk around the area and explore. Just around the corner from the clinic was a shoe store selling well made shoes. The black slip-on walking shoes, purchased more than 15 years ago, have holes in the uppers, they are wearing out. Having a very high instep, most shoes will not fit, the foot will just not go into the shoe. There was but one pair of slip on shoes in the store that suited, both liked and ticking off all the buttons when it came to function. The size needed was not in stock, has been ordered, and I will be called when they arrive at the store, so that actual fit can be determined. They are expensive, well-made walking shoes, to be worn for many, many years, god willing. If they last as long as I want them to, they may outlive me.

Things here at Mist Cottage remain difficult, for both of us. Talking continues, revelations abound, life is an unexplored jungle, full of beauty and danger. Sometimes I forget to wear my pith helmet. Sometimes Attila hands it to me. Sometimes I hand him his.

Listening to music has been a welcome relief. It is then the energies from those I’ve loved, who are gone but not lost, come to me. Alone ceases to have meaning.

My crocheting continues to wait for me by my easy chair, ready to hold my hands. I have yet to manage enough focus to read my books, giving it a try every so often, to see if the cloud of confusion has lifted, if my eyes can see through the surrounding density.

The morning is moving on without me, I must eat, something I frequently forget to do just of late. Thank goodness a hearty soup sits in mason jars in the refrigerator, and a batch of fortifying Chocolate Cherry muffins sits on the kitchen counter.

The morning, arid, desiccatingly cold, has offered up sunshine. Funny old world.

Worldly Distractions

Weather

-21°C (our thermometer say -25C, and it is close enough to the house to be a little warm)
Date: 5:00 AM EST Friday 5 January 2018
Condition: Not observed
Pressure: 100.9 kPa
Tendency: Rising
Temperature: -20.8°C
Dew point: -26.5°C
Humidity: 60%
Wind: W 11 km/h
Wind Chill: -29

Quote

“True originality consists not in a new manner but in a new vision.”
Edith Wharton
1862 – 1937

“the emptiness of space outside the vagina”
An out of context quote from the song “The Waters” by Shakey Graves. I like it because as a stand alone statement, thinking about birth and life, it sheds light on the introspection of women, and that men seek reunion.

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13 Responses to The Emptiness of Space

  1. I hope you are able to get the appointments you need, Maggie, and that you are able to have the necessary tests. You may be having symptoms from the extreme stress in your life right now. Be sure to tell doctors what you are going through. And be gentle with yourself—no self-blaming, no ‘what ifs’. Listening to music is good…so healing.

  2. Revelations? Those are the best.
    Been a while since I thought of Shaky Graves. Thanks for the reminder.
    -Kate

  3. Diane, luckily the Doctor was very accomodating and will arrange for the tests I need, there will be a wait time as they go through their process and get around to calling to make the appointments, and then there will be a wait time for the appointments. There isn’t a rush really, the tests aren’t related to present symptoms. So far my blood pressure is holding steady, and other than insomnia and emotional pain I am in pretty good shape, thank goodness.
    That is good advice about no self-blaming, the what-ifs are pretty hard to avoid, they can creep in without your even realizing it. Have to be vigilant! The music, such a pure form of human contact!

  4. Kate, revelations are the stuff of life, but you can get a little too much of a good thing 🙂

    I just discovered Shaky Graves, love his stuff. Sometimes I think that if I could only sing I could fly though anyting… but my personal path to sound did not develop, so this isn’t an option. I also recognize that people with wonderful voices and connections to sound waves aren’t any happier than anyone else. But the pleasure of it is appealing.

  5. Bex Crowell says:

    Whenever I am crocheting, which is almost all the time while I’m awake, I think of you more often than not. Are you working on the foggy notion blanket? I just made a hat with that yarn. Last night I was worried we’d lose power in this “bomb cyclone” storm we’re having (it’s not snowing now but very windy still), and it dawned on me that even if we did lose power, I could still entertain myself and crochet right along, under a big blanket. using my over-the-neck battery-operated tiny little spot-lights that shine onto my work. I only use them when I just can’t see well such as with dark colored yarn or if I’m tired of using the overhead light. They do work OK and do what they’re supposed to do.

  6. Bex, I often think of you and your lovely hats, and the new girl on the block, who models them. I am in awe of the variety and beauty of the hats you are making, and the people who wear them will be wrapping themselves in such wonderful energy, right from your hands, to their heads and hearts.
    I am glad to know you weathered the storm without incident. Crochet is my favourite passtime right now, and as you describe, you can continue working on it through very difficult conditions. There aren’t many passtimes that can follow you through thick and thin, and crocehting is one of them. I am on the second cake of yarn for my blanket, it is going slowly but surely, and could take the rest of the winter to complete. I am very glad of the first one I made, I love it!

  7. TopsyTurvy (Teri) says:

    When I am stressed I can’t read and can’t listen to music, either. The former I can’t concentrate, the latter overloads me. The very best I can do is let my mind go where it will or, better yet, fall asleep.

    I also had a doctor’s appt today. All is well, thank goodness.

    I’ve had about enough of our extreme cold. I get out of the shower and have to slather on body lotion as otherwise my skin becomes so dry from the air that it begins to ache and itch.

    Speaking of dry, that reminds me, how are your nose bleeds doing, Maggie?

    I’ll be glad for our near normal temps to come back hopefully next week.

  8. Teri, sleep sounds just so very wonderful! If only I could. Interesting that I did not think to discuss sleep with the doctor when I went into the walk-in clinic, I think because the solution suggested would be drugs, and at this point in my life, I don’t want to take drugs, of any kind. Of course, if this lack of sleep continues for weeks, I shall make the journey back to the clinic and address it.

    Thank goodness you are well, good health is such a blessing.

    It is dry here in the house hovering around 30% humidity despite my relentless efforts with the humidifier and wet clothes. No nose bleeds thus far, not since I took the cayenne pepper mixture, that vile, vile dose. It may not be connected, but it is the first thing I will try if I have another nose bleed!

    I too look forward to warmer weather. I wonder if this is our low point of winter temperatures, or if there will be more cold snaps over the weeks to come!

  9. Cathy says:

    I don’t have lots of philosophical words for you Maggie – my reaction to reading your previous posts was – life’s a bummer sometimes. I’m a more a hand holding, come cry on my shoulder friend than a tell me all about it and I’ll give you my point of view friend.
    Would you be willing to see a counsellor and discuss things with them or is working it out ‘our’ way the better option for you both?
    Shame your having problems sleeping- I suppose you’ve tried relaxation exercises or even simple meditation
    Take care
    Cathy

  10. Cathy, kindness is wonderful in all its forms! I have tried to find counselling, spent days and days on the phone, the upshot is that not one counsellor, that I found acceptable, was taking new patients, over a dozen of them all booked up. I’ll keep my ear to the ground on that, because I think counselling would be wonderful, no matter what the outcome.
    I do meditate, but haven’t tried relaxation exercises. I’ve tried them before but they didn’t help me, but you never know do you, best not to make assumptions! Thank you Cathy!

  11. Bex Crowell says:

    Regarding “relaxation exercises,” I’m not sure what these are officially. However, way back in a previous lifetime, when I was married to hubby No. 1, we lived in Bloomington, Indiana, and we both were students at Ind. Univ. I was a freshman at 25 and he was in a Ph.D. program. I took a phys. ed. class and they had us all lie down on the gym floor and close our eyes, and starting with our toes, we were instructed to “clench” our toe muscles as hard as we could… and slowly release the clench. Then our ankles, then our calves, then our thighs, always hold the clench for a count of about 10 or 15 seconds, and a very slow release before moving up the body. Our abdominal muscles, our trunk muscles, our hands, forearms, upper arms, shoulders, neck muscles… all clenched and held and then very slowly released. Well! By the time we worked our way up to the head… we all were just about asleep there on the gym floor. And that is what I will resort to when I just cannot get to sleep. That little maneuver of clenching muscles in this pattern and slowly releasing. Wow.

  12. Bex, thank you for sharing your experience! I genuinely wished those exercises were of benefit to me, but alas, I can do all those things for hours and they actually work in the opposite way, I become less relaxed as my body lets go of tension… which makes perfect sense given the whole complex story of my life, which I don’t and won’t write about.

    There are physical things that do work for me, but they involve trust, which I have to work at right now, so it isn’t relaxing.

  13. I’m glad you finally got to a clinic and hope they follow through efficiently with appointments for the specialists. I hope the new shoes will fit just the way you want and give many years of good service. I too find music a joy and a comfort, all kinds, classical, pop, folk. I hope your sleep situation improves soon!