Optimism

The big news in our day is that Emmi, Otto, Lilt and Skipper are all safe and sound. They live in Calgary, Alberta, where there is severe flooding. Emmi sent us a message this morning to let us know they are all doing well, staying with friends, because they were evacuated from their home near the Bow River. Great news!

The black flies are proliferating again! I moved the basil seedlings to the deck, hoping that all threats of frost are now behind us. As I was watering them, I was surprised and dismayed to feel black flies crawling into the sleeves of my short sleeved blouse, and up the pant legs of my shorts. The mosquitoes didn’t take long to find me either. They buzzed my face, choosing to hover between my glasses and my eyelids. There is no lazing about on the deck here.

My head spins as I adjust to working then not working, then working, then not working, and on and on.

Working with the public, in a rigid corporate structure, requires a certain mind set, in which I clothe myself, while I am at work. This requires a deep adjustment in the way I see the world, I enter a trance like state of self-denial and suspend disbelief for the hours I am at work. The more hours I spend at work, the more oppressive the state of denial becomes. Psychic calluses can form over time, making work relatively comfortable. But the calluses do not form when work is intermittent. Psychic blisters form every time I go back to work, making the experience endlessly unpleasant, and a little bit painful.

Not working requires complete independence of mind and spirit. With no “other” definable connections to the world at large, one has to define oneself. Defining oneself, in a world where few value your existence, is challenging. It requires inner integrity. This develops over time. When the process of self-knowledge is interrupted, by working periods of self-denial and suspended disbelief, it becomes more challenging.

Yesterday I was the smiling face of service, and today I am just me, magnificently me. Today I am actively engaged in mindfully returning to my spirit and my peace of mind.

Can you buy optimism? I wonder. For instance, if I read my daily astrological predictions, written by a particular Astrologer, I am always made aware of the potential of the day. It is a pleasant experience, to read that things are going to be OK, that I have choices and can impact my own life in a positive way. I don’t have to believe what the astrologer says, in a literal sense, to hear the encouragement written in the message. I could pay to hear audio predictions. The voice is calming and sane, the words always put a positive spin on the world. I would be spending time listening to positive thoughts. In a sense, I would be buying optimism. I like to think about buying those pleasant words, but I will not be buying my optimism today, or tomorrow, or the next day. I will just have to generate my own positive words, in my own head, relating to my own life. I will not spend money for optimism, nor will I make money from optimism.

The Solstice is bringing a heat wave, and storms! We have experienced cool temperatures in June, almost needing to turn on the heat at night. I have been sleeping under my winter comforter, until now. The temperature began to rise yesterday morning and we will have humid heat for the next week. Heat can be pleasant, but humid heat I find difficult to endure. I suffer a great deal in hot, humid conditions.

For Attila’s birthday this year I gave him a cobber. I ordered one for myself, while I was at it. This heat wave will give me an opportunity to test it, to see if it really does help keep the body cool.

I have been feeling a bit under the weather for the last week or so. I must have come down with some sort of bug. I am slightly nauseous from time to time, and the ladies’s room is one of my current favourite places. This added a layer of complexity to working this past week, but I got through it, my distress undetected by my coworkers and customers.

Attila’s Mom is coming for a visit next week. Today I am doing a little bit of tidying, in anticipation. Attila will take on the bulk of the cleaning though, particularly in his work area, which is the entire lower floor of the house. I pay no attention to the state of affairs on the lower floor of the house, as that is Attila’s domain. I have become surprisingly adept at “letting go”, when it comes to Attila’s work areas. The only way to get to the living area is to walk through the lower floor of the house. Visitors are greeted with a certain informal glory, when they enter our humble abode.

Worldly Distractions

Weather

21°C
Condition: Cloudy
Pressure: 101.8 kPa
Visibility: 16 km
Temperature: 20.6°C
Dewpoint: 15.2°C
Humidity: 71%
Wind: S 11 km/h
Humidex: 25

Quote

“It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.”
Krishnamurti

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3 Responses to Optimism

  1. Sarah says:

    “informal glory”–I like that. My smile for the afternoon.

    I read a couple of days ago that crushed fresh basil leaves rubbed on the skin will repel mosquitoes. I tried it yesterday evening (that’s when the ‘skeeters’ seem to be at their most active around here) and was pleasantly surprised not to find any itchy welts this morning. Another few days of testing and maybe I’ll be convinced. If so, a big improvement over chemical repellants, stuff that I’m not crazy about slathering all over the exposed bits.

    I’m with you — the heat and the humidity are killers. It’s almost difficult to breathe, and a shower gives only a few minutes’ respite, especially when the humidity is high.

    Reading about your psychic blisters was painful. I think I understand what you mean. It’s the rub of constantly changing modes, being your work “self” and then returning to your inner self. My guess is that you’re something of an introvert, and need the silence, serenity and solitude to recharge your batteries. Work requires being (or pretending to be) an extrovert. And, as Hamlet said, there’s the rub. I have several friends who work in the entertainment industry, whose work is on again/off again, and they have described their feelings much the same way you have.

    I, too, listen to an astrologer (Jonathan Cainer) who is upbeat and positive; even when there’s a rough patch, in his audio portion he talks about the long term benefits and lessons learned. It’s always good to get another viewpoint, and it is interesting that he and I are the same sign and nearly the same age. Maybe that makes us closer in temperament.

    Enough rambling…hope your day is a pleasant one!

  2. Maggie says:

    Sarah, Jonathan Cainer is the Astrologer I was referring to! I agree with you that he has a very upbeat and positive way of seeing the world. I used to check in with his site at the end of long days at the university, followed by long evenings as the sole parent for my kids. It helped me sleep, to hear positive things about my day, because I was just too exhausted to be thinking them up for myself.

  3. Maggie says:

    Sarah, thinking about what you said about needing silence, serenity and solitude… so very true!

    One of the things I find challenging about dealing with the public is the necessity to keep interaction at a very superficial level, where my feelings and opinions are not considered a welcome part of the interaction, having to listen to the opinions of others with a smile, no matter what comes out of their mouths. Their illusion is that the smile indicates agreement, when all it really indicates is tolerance and necessity. I find the illusionary “meeting of minds” wearing and disheartening. Acting sounds very similar to my work persona.