Everyone has idiosyncrasies. I am no exception.
One of mine is a disgust, bordering on hatred, for bureaucratic processes.
In the past I managed to circumvent my natural feelings to cope with my circumstances. My academic career was fraught with bureaucratic processes, such as board approved research, PhD comprehensive exams, publications, grant and scholarship applications, etc. At the same time I was raising two children by myself, who attended two different schools, and who each had activities I needed to support as much as I could. At the same time my ex was suing me repeatedly with a lawyer paid for by his employer, while I was defending myself at each volley, and winning. I was ,and am, quite capable of carrying out these tasks. But the personal cost was beyond measure, and my willingness to override my dislike for these things has worn rather thin over the years.
Some people thrive on conflict. I perform well, but on a personal level I do not thrive.
Attila and I have put off some bureaucratic work for many, many years. We were not required to complete it, so we procrastinated, we avoided, and then it caught up with us when requirements suddenly changed. So here we are, caught up in the throes of catching up.
Today was day three of this administrative process. The first day I was an unpleasant human to be around, no doubt about it. It felt as if I had descended into hell. Attila navigated my emotional state with great patience and grace. We made excellent progress. My mood may have been foul, but my efforts were stellar. There was no way around the misery, so I forged through it with great vigour.
What was accomplished on the first day disarmed my resistance, softened my reactions. Yesterday we accomplished a lot, with little emotional turmoil. Today I dived into the process at 5:30 a.m., just after I arose for the day. I am a morning person, it is easiest for me to focus and function first thing in the morning. Attila and I soldiered on throughout the day, and are now waiting for the necessary responses from the powers that be, to move further towards completion.
This particular project will only need to be done once in our lifetime, and I am glad we are tackling it now. If one of us had to shoulder sole responsibility, the experience would be much, much worse. Many hands make light work.
We hope to fumble our way to finish the whole project before Christmas, fingers crossed!
While I was working away this morning, the wind was pummelling the windows with rain. The temperature has been above freezing for several days, and with the wind and rain little snow remained. Now we have a blizzard going on out there. The temperature is dropping like a stone, the wind howls, and the snow races horizontally across the landscape. Already everything is snow covered, back/black to white.
Soon our days will return to the usual routines, that we love so dearly. When days are peaceful here, I am happy with my books and puzzles, and my writing. I enjoy the daily tasks of preparing meals, keeping Ginger happy with a full food bowl and a bowl of fresh water, and all the other little things that make like peaceful and pleasant and good.
Our Christmas Tree is up and decorated. We have our favourite Christmas music playing. On our video screen we have our favourite Christmas images displaying, one after another.
We gave ourselves an early Christmas present. We subscribed to a PBS stream, and are currently enjoying Miss Austen, a very speculative historical piece. I am trying to read a new book I borrowed from the library, the first volume in a series, Fourth Wing. It is supposed to be a very popular book, which for me is a meaningless assignation, as I find popular very seldom appealing. Not sure what I think of it yet.
Worldly
Weather
-1°C
Date: 6:00 PM EST Friday 19 December 2025
Condition: Not observed
Pressure: 100.1 kPa
Tendency: Rising
Temperature: -0.8°C
Dew point: -4.8°C
Humidity: 74%
Wind: W 40 gusts 59 km/h
Wind Chill: -9
Quote
“A problem is a chance for you to do your best.”
Duke Ellington
1899 – 1974
Maggie, sometimes I think we become accomplished at doing things we dislike for the satisfaction of proving to ourselves that we can do them. Congratulations on pushing through.
I know what you mean about ‘loved routines’. Friends ask, “What’s new?” They find it perhaps odd that Julia and I are following the same interests. But it makes for happy days. I’m glad you now have access to PBS. “Miss Austin” is delightful. There’s to be a second season, although I don’t know when it’s coming out. (I also recommend the Nutcracker ballet, done by a British group. Simply fantastic!)
Wendy, thank you! A great observation, I do think that is exactly what motivates me to push through… my only regret is that at times I do not do so gracefully, lol. Life offers many opportunities for self improvement!
Joan, your happy days sound wonderful indeed. I have found routines to provide a sound and enduring infrastructure for a peaceful life here on earth. I remember the anthropologist Margaret Mead commented on signs of recovery in a small village ravaged by war. It was that women were once again grooming each other’s hair. That was a tradition that was suspended during the conflict. These are not small things in human culture, more important than their simplicity might imply.
Thank you for recommending the Nutcracker, looking forward to watching it!
I need some of what Attila has: patience and grace while dealing with a frustrated, angry, cranky person. Is there a secret method he can share?
Kate, I believe his method is to step back and allow the cranky person (me in this case) to “let ‘er rip”. He always prefers when intense emotions are not directed at him. If it is something we are both working on, he listens, waits for his moment, then gently injects cold hard facts into the mix. This is what I see from my side.
Attila says, “I take frequent time outs from the situation.”
I can’t say that I hate bureaucracy so much as I hate the tension associated with reasons to be involved with the bureaucracy. DH had a lot of that after we got custody of his daughter because she was so afraid of her mother’s abusive, alcoholic BF. His ex was constantly petitioning the court for changes in the custody agreement. Even when the orders said no changes for 6 months, she’d apply again after only 2 months – and they’d let her.
As we didn’t have much money and I’d had a job for a time as basically a paralegal, I did all the post-custody paperwork for us, answering her filings and unfounded accusations with facts supported by paperwork and professional assessments. We won every case she brought against us.
Teri, that sounds so challenging and miserable. Some people use the legal system to harass. Kudos to you for managing all of that, can’t have been easy, or pleasant! I don’t know where people get the energy to initiate this kind of conflict. In my case the motivations to sue were misogyny, malice, and financial gain.
It really was miserable when it was happening. I’d get the paperwork done and then wouldn’t be able to sleep for a few days because I’d keep going over things in my head, wanting it to be perfect.
The irony is that after all that we had custody of her for 6-7 years and then her mom made all kinds of promises to her so that she walked out on us and went to mom just after her 13th birthday.
She’s 25 now and further irony: I’m the one she always talks to and messages, to talk, for support, for advice. She recently said that if it wasn’t for connecting to music (as so many teens do) she wouldn’t have made it past 15, so I know she wasn’t happy with her mom. Still, it’s taken a long time for us to open things up and let her rebuild that burnt bridge.
Teri, so glad that it worked out in a positive way for you, and for her, and for DH!