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I value face-to-face contact above all other forms of human interaction. Having said that, in my present life, the richest and most valuable form of human contact is digital; it is on this blog, through VOIP, email, Facebook, and Messages. I feel deep attachment to, and respect for, the people in my digital life. Some people I have met, they include loved ones and old friends; while others I have not met, but have grown over the course of time to appreciate. It is true, it is possible some of the people that I have not met and have become attached to, exclusively in the digital world, may not be who they say they are… be that as it may, the persona that they bring to our interactions is one that I appreciate.

I think the turning point that I experienced over the last few days, has been the realization that parts of my life are very rich. It is an incomplete wealth, for face-to-face contact is something I consider necessary to maintain balance, something which I am losing with my marriage coming to an end, a loss that I grieve. But my digital life is a sustaining wealth, a valuable cornerstone.

My present bizarre state of co-habitation with Attila does offer some bemusing situations.

Attila wants me to cook during the week. Attila lives to eat and sleep and smoke cigarettes. To Attila, food matters a lot. He had harboured some bitter feelings towards me that he had been doing all the cooking. Fair enough, I have time, I have skills, I am willing to cook, so almost two weeks ago I was to take over the job of cooking during the week.

So far, of the seven nights I have been slated to cook, he has cooked two of the meals, at his own request, and has decided what he has wanted for dinner three other nights, then gathered together the ingredients before he left for work in the morning, left them on the kitchen counter, so that I could prepare the meal. So five times out of seven he has decided what we would eat. He thinks of this as helping me. I call this micromanagement. This is how he ended up doing all the cooking over the 25 years of our previous relationship. I did not care for being micromanaged, so I withdrew to let him take over and do his thing. It is happening again. I’ve pointed this out to him, but so far the micromanagement continues unabated. I have some ideas on how to meet the micromanagement head on. The first is that I will prepare menus for the coming week, rather than decide each day what I will prepare as I prefer to do. That way, when he asks me if I have decided what I will make for dinner, I can say yes… BUT, bwhahahaha, I can always ignore the menu and change my mind! There is a reason I call this quirky person Attila.

Yesterday the attic insulation was installed. The first appointment was scheduled for early in the morning. On Monday I received a message requesting a change in the time of the appointment to around lunch time. Lunch time came and went… no insulation people. So I called the company and left a message. I received a return call within 15 minutes, to assure me they were on their way. The slight inconvenience in their being late turned into a real bonus for Mist Cottage. They had a surplus of insulation on the truck, which is an issue with weight restrictions for the vehicle, so they wanted to install the surplus insulation in our attic, free of charge. It worked for them, it worked for us. We are now insulated with R60 in our attic, but we paid only for R40, and the attic meets EnergyStar standards.

They installed rafter vents, and a crib around the attic hatch, and checked for any issues in the attic, none were found. They also sealed off a redundant ceiling fan that was installed in the kitchen ceiling. That fan vented directly into the attic, and there was a lot of heat loss through it, no more.

The insulation job is certified, and the certificate was stapled to the attic hatch. Apparently there were areas in the attic that had less than one inch of insulation, which is not a good thing. Now the entire attic is covered evenly with insulation at an R60 value.

We chose cellulose insulation for the attic, which is basically paper treated with fire retardant. The biggest downside to this is that if it gets wet, it will be ruined, so a leak in the roof could be expensive, and a misery to clean up. It will be crucial to maintain the integrity of the roof, and to insist that any work done on the roof be done in fine weather.

The insulation installation left two jobs that need doing. One is to disconnect the power to the ceiling fan, this must be done by Attila, as he has the skills needed to do it. The other is to apply a weather strip to the perimeter of the attic hatch. I could do the attic hatch weather stripping, but would have serious difficulty getting the heavy hatch moved out of the way. I will try to get Attila to move the hatch, then do the weather stripping myself, and then have him replace the hatch.

The fellow who certified our insulation installation also mentioned to me that there were two areas of a home that need good insulation for energy efficiency. One was the attic, we can check that off the list. The second is the insulating the basement rim joists. This is a project I can tackle myself, and I will. This project has to wait though, until the new windows have been installed. Mist cottage will have all new basement windows, and all new windows on the main floor of the house, except for the dining area, where Attila installed new energy efficient windows last fall.

That is the first of three renovation projects almost done! Next the window installation, which represents three days of serious domestic disruption, but well worth it. Then the garage roof project will begin. Attila had slated a specific date for beginning the garage roof project, but has decided to be more flexible about the start date. He will begin the roof project as soon as the new windows have been installed. He is highly motivated to make the garage a reasonable place to spend his time, and as a secure, dry storage space.

Worldly Distractions

Weather

-3°C
Date: 7:00 AM EST Thursday 22 February 2018
Condition: Mostly Cloudy
Pressure: 104.0 kPa
Tendency: Rising
Temperature: -2.5°C
Dew point: -8.7°C
Humidity: 62%
Wind: NNE 17 km/h
Wind Chill: -8
Visibility: 24 km

Quote

“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.”
Martin Luther King Jr.
1929 – 1968

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Bex Crowell

Wow. I am wordless. Y’know what? Your whole story would make a good book. It’s so different! You guys are different. Your story is compelling and so out-of-the-ordinary. I also didn’t realize Attila smoked. I hope he doesn’t do it IN your house! I could not abide that. If smoke comes anywhere near me in space, I revolt. I grew up in it from my mum and then 1st husb. did it for a while (almost burned down our house once) and now I am fortunate enough to never breathe in that gross stuff at all. I feel for you! (((hugs)))

WendyNC

Ah, yes, trying to micromanage others as a way of dealing with one’s own internal chaos – been there, done that, didn’t work on me, either.

Stubblejumpers Cafe

I’ve had a man try to control what I cook, too. It’s all about control; very different from a polite request and/or appreciation for one’s efforts even when they don’t quite fit the bill. A man sneering or unappreciative of what I cook has soon found that he gets less and less of what he wants; i.e. that approach has been like shooting himself in the foot. Ask me nicely and with respect and I will very often do your bidding. Demand and criticize, and … well, you’ve just cut off your nose to spite your face. I’m stubborn that way. -Kate

Sandy

Creating a weekly menu is a great idea. I give you great credit for not strangling Attila in his sleep.

I smoked in college and off and on afterwards until I turned 30. Then I quit cold turkey. It’s one of my regrets that I ever started.

Still the Lucky Few

Just looking over the past few weeks, I can’t help but marvel at how much stronger you are! What a gal! However, I don’t think I could do what you are doing. Strangling, as Sandy suggests, sound like a good alternative!

Sandra

Maggie, you are doing so much better now. It may not seem like it to you but from your original posts when the unthinkable happened to now, I notice a much stronger you emerging – still reeling but more grounded, accepting and forward looking. I was thinking of you on family day and silently sending warm and healing thoughts your way.

Joan Lansberry

I agree with what Sandra says. I’m so glad you don’t have to tolerate smoke in the house and that you never developed the habit. (Good deal on the insulation!) Much happiness to you this weekend!