I awoke at 3:35 a.m., too late to have a drink of water, too early to start the day. I have to abstain from drinking or eating onward from 3:30 a.m., I have my x-ray today, and that is the instruction for the procedure. The appointment is in the city, so I have planned a bunch of odd jobs to accomplish while I am there. Of course this means that I need to bring a packed breakfast, and will also be bringing snacks, and lots of water to drink when the test is done!
I still have two and a half hours to put in before I leave to drive to the appointment. I find remembering not to drink or eat, when I am tired, and thirsty, and hungry, makes time pass slowly.
What a long, long morning! I’ve paid bills, done dishes, made my bed, swept the floor… still looking for tasks that won’t need my ongoing attention. I can leave for my appointment in one hour and ten minutes. Counting!
Home again! As it turned out, the test was an ultrasound, not an x-ray. When the appointment was setup, the woman on the telephone said x-ray, but she was referring to the name of the lab, shortening it to just x-ray, when it was actually x-ray and ultrasound. This ultrasound was quite different than the one I had a year and a half ago, the technician checked out a lot more than was investigated in the previous test. Worrying, but perhaps not, could have been routine, she wasn’t saying. I’ll have to keep an eye on getting in to the walk-in clinic to hear the results. The technician did say that gallstones and cysts seldom just go away, I am hoping they haven’t gained any ground!
There are big fluffy clouds floating across the sky, outside my window. Occasionally they come between me and the sunshine, running interference. But those rays of light always return, if not today, then another day.
Coming to terms with this marriage breakdown is the challenge of a lifetime! I am up and down and all around, hopeful one minute, in despair the next, then feeling, and thinking, nothing at all for periods of time, which is sweet relief. This first year is going to be doozy! Everything in life serves to remind me that nothing is the same! After going through all of life’s ups and downs for a year, there will be familiar territory to return to, and some of what is up in the air now will have been worked through. But right now I am busy charting that new territory, making slow progress as I create a path through the murk.
What could it mean when someone invites you to an event, even though they know that you would not, and perhaps could not, accept the invitation?
e.g. Inviting a person in a wheelchair to a party on the fourth floor of a building with no elevator or ramps, and narrow doors.
Date: 7:00 AM EST Thursday 1 February 2018
Condition: Mostly Cloudy
Pressure: 100.7 kPa
Dew point: -2.9°C
Wind: S 30 km/h
Visibility: 24 km
“I don’t want to be soothed with snake-oil promises. I want the truth. I want to feel either relief when I weather the storm more easily than I anticipated or composed acceptance when it’s as bad as I was warned it could be.”