A Good List

A Good List

It has been four weeks today, since Attila announced the end of our marriage, the emotional aspect of our marriage, but not the legal, not yet, that is in a holding pattern.

What a ride.

So far a fairly workable holding pattern has been established, where we live separate lives, interacting with increasingly few of our old routines. Civility and consideration prevail. This has its pros and cons. There is no good choice as to how this marriage deconstructs, so I am making a series of small controlled decisions, choosing among the hard and sad choices as they come up. They are coming up a lot, life is hard.

I cycle through all the stages of grief, to varying degrees, in various orders, depending on the particular circumstance of a given day.

I am getting through this.

Next week I have two of my own activities planned, and one outing with Attila planned. I am an outsider everywhere, in this place of small towns and tiny cities, and it takes a long time for an outsider to be inside anything, so patience and fortitude are required. Eventually something will take root, somewhere, probably in an unexpected circumstance. I have to keep going so that I run into that unexpected circumstance.

So that is the state of my life at present.

I had some kind of bug, and my gastrointestinal system was in rebellion. It was an uncomfortable night, but I did manage to get about five hours sleep, so really it wasn’t so bad. I am feeling better this morning.

Terra stopped by with Sunny and Sky for a short but delightful visit yesterday evening. Her pregnancy appears to be going well, the Grandbaby is due in July. Luna called this morning for a chat while en route to Elf’s diving lessons, Tink’s gymnastics lessons, all three, Imp, Elf, and Tink, in the car chatting up a storm on speaker phone. All six Grandbabies are well and happy.

Today I washed and dried a set of sheets, after having changed out the bedding. I’ve read a bit, crocheted a bit, puttered a bit around the house. Attila and I went grocery shopping.

This afternoon I will work on genealogy, my web site update, read for a bit, and write in my paper journal. This evening Attila and I will watch a movie over dinner. Attila has begun cooking a weekly Saturday feast for himself, foods I cannot and/or would not eat, full of sodium and sugar and cholesterol, although he continues to avoid my allergen. I treat myself to a slice of pizza, and plan the whole day’s menu around it, reducing sodium, sugar and cholesterol, so that I can eat my slice without concern for having overdone things.

The vacant house next door has sold. We saw two vehicles in the driveway last night, and observed a millennial couple arrive back in one of the vehicles this morning, Tim Hortons paper coffee cups in hand. Attila says that where he works many people show up in the morning with two paper cups of Tim Hortons coffee, around $4 worth, that is $20 a week for morning coffee, and about $1000 a year. The last millennial couple who lived next door and who lost the house to the bank, there have been two such couples since we bought Mist Cottage, didn’t make their mortgage payments, but they did find the funds for Tim Hortons coffee, daily. Their priorities are much different than mine. I find it odd what some people regard as a necessity of life. Coffee above shelter… something is wrong there.

What cheerful note can I end my visit here with? I am healthy. I have food, and shelter. I am loved. I am making fewer spelling mistakes as I write these entries. A good list!

Worldly Distractions


Date: 11:00 AM EST Saturday 27 January 2018
Condition: Mostly Cloudy
Pressure: 101.9 kPa
Tendency: Falling
Temperature: 3.4°C
Dew point: -1.6°C
Humidity: 70%
Wind: SSW 20 gust 29 km/h
Visibility: 24 km


“When one can hear people moving, one does not so much mind, about one’s fears.”
Ann Radcliffe
1764 – 1823


  1. WendyNC

    Maggie, you seem to be doing a really good job of hanging in there, in a situation which appears from the outside to be truly weird. Pushing yourself to grow and make new connections seems like an incredibly healthy response.

  2. Thanks for the pat on the back Wendy! I am doing the only thing I can come up with, given the circumstances that are presented to me. Of course there are other options, I’ve considered lots of them, but this course of action makes the most sense at this time. Making new connections is really, really, really pushing myself, and I am worth it.

  3. Sandy

    I think you’re doing really well too, Maggie. I admire that you and Attila are taking a measured approach. But you’re making those small, controlled decisions for yourself. I was afraid that he was calling the shots. But it sounds like you’re talking and negotiating. Finding activities that you like with people who are nice and show promise as possible friends is really important. Those activities and people may form a support group for you now and in the future. Here’s something to think about for the future: What you’re going through and the steps you’re taking might make a wonderful book to help others. The downs and ups, talking, compromising etc. Along with the emotional hurdles. You could write it and self-publish on Kindle and Createspace. Pen names are allowed there, if that’s a concern. The only publishing costs I can think of would be for a cover and possibly for some promotion. Just a thought. (((Hugs)))

  4. Sandra

    If I can make a suggestion for an activity, you might want to try a tai chi group. As an introvert and fusspot I am very careful about who I let into my life yet I enjoy some moderate interaction with like minded people. I foundt tai chi worked well for me. The groups are very welcoming and friendly, the instructors are all volunteers, and the exercise is gentle (no getting down on the floor) and soothing. There is a social element to it in that each class has a 15 minute tea break where everyone just sits and chats. I had to give it up when I moved to Nova Scotia as there is no group close to where I live now and I do miss it.The age group tends to be 50s to 70s.

  5. Hello Maggie
    I’m thinking of you as you travel this journey. You’ve been over a few bumps and ‘survived’ – there’s sure to be a few more. Level ground might be around the corner.
    Take care
    Sitting here in the cool of the morning trying to escape the thought of today’s scorcher – 39c.

  6. Sandy, thank you! I find it really difficult to face new situations with new people, and yet there is no other way forward, so out I go. Attila has called a lot of the shots in this situation, but that is not a permanent dynamic, as far as I am concerned. He gets to decide what he will do, and I get to decide what I will do. Right now I am exploring possibilities for domestic financial survival, for both of us, because our wellbeing has been enmeshed for 25 years, and ripping that apart suddenly would be quite damaging to both of us. Meanwhile I am working at building a support network in the physical world, a network full of holes at the moment, but I will keep at it.

    A book! Well, I’m certainly in no shape emotionally to handle such a project at the moment, but it is food for though!

  7. Sandra, thank you for reminding me about Tai Chi. I did try to attend a class last summer, and they had given me the wrong information so that I drove all the way to the city to sit in an empty parking lot, and be told by an office person that there was no such class. I gave up, and I shouldn’t have. I’ll have to try again!!! There is a local group, but again, a small clique of people in a small town, and I have to pay for the entire series and forfeit my cash if the fit isn’t right. Instead I will look in the nearby city, and try to get in on one of their classes. I found info, but nothing about the costs. It would be the right age cohort for me!

  8. Cathy, thank you for your kind words! When you said scorcher, I read 39C, horrendous heat!! I don’t think I could withstand it! They say dry heat isn’t as hard to bear as humid heat, so I hope your scorcher is a dry one!

  9. Sandra

    Maggie, at the start of each round of tai chi classes they have an open house which is free to attend. They usually happen around the first or second week of January, April, and September. Experienced people give a demonstration of the moves you will learn and you can join in or just watch and then make the decision on your own time about whether you would like to continue. It is best to begin at the start anyway as the moves are learned progressively over about 10 weeks.

  10. Sandra, just looked up the nearby Tai Chi and I missed the open house, it was today, over before I checked it out, rats! I wrote them an email today, to see about registering after the open house, and I will telephone them Monday if I don’t have a response by then. I took tai chi before and liked it, but I know I have trouble keeping up, which I can handle, also my arm issue puts some instructors a bit off, but I am going to brave it out anyway. I am hoping to attend a class this week! Thanks so much for the suggestion!

  11. Sandra

    Hope it works for you. I went for over two years and the instructors were very accommodating of everyone’s limitations. In those two years I never did manage to memorize all of the moves. I took the beginners’ course three times!

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