Watching the paint dry and the time fly…

Tuesday, June 2, 2015

Disheartening news this week, a dear, dear friend has lung cancer, he just found out on Tuesday, June 2, 2015, his right lung will be removed in the next few weeks. My heart embraces you brother.

I have decided to regard dying as the finish line. My loved ones, who broke the ribbon before me, have crossed their finish line, as on some unknown day I will cross my finish line. It makes sense to me, to regard crossing the finish line as an accomplishment, to see those who have passed it as standing in the winner’s circle, a crowd of happy energy.

That crowd of happy energy is something I actually believe in, not just hope for. Steve Paul Simms line “and we’ll all be together in the clover” comes to mind. I am not sure he wrote it as I hear it, but some phrases speak beyond one context.

Here it is Friday already.

This week has been busy:
– Using the graphics pen is becoming more intuitive as I play with it every day.
– An online tutorial from Adobe was discovered and followed, allowing the use of Adobe Acrobat Reader to sign PDF documents.
– The genealogy book is coming along, I have just received written permission from an author, to use extensive quotations from her book, in reference to the experiences my ancestors encountered emigrating from Scotland, and their experience after arriving in Quebec in 1820. She has done incredible research in primary documents, so there is no need to “reinvent the wheel”.
– The country house was shown again on Wednesday, still no nibbles.
– I mowed the lawn Wednesday, took me all afternoon; I slept soundly that night.
– It has been rough few days with the dentist, not happy with the work, so I keep going back. I find problems with work done in my mouth very hard to bear with good grace. Hopefully today will be my last trip into that office, and I will be able to remain calm and smiling despite ongoing problems with her work, fingers crossed.

Another doodle, using a colour scheme from an iris in the garden.
2015Mayirisoval

P.S. Time is flying but there is no paint drying.

Worldly Distractions

Weather

Little House in the City
14°C
Date: 7:00 AM EDT Friday 5 June 2015
Condition: Partly Cloudy
Pressure: 101.7 kPa
Tendency: falling
Visibility: 24 km
Temperature: 14.1°C
Dewpoint: 12.7°C
Humidity: 91%
Wind: SSE 13 km/h

Country House
16°C
Date: 7:03 AM EDT Friday 5 June 2015
Condition: Light Rain
Pressure: 101.6 kPa
Visibility: 15 km
Temperature: 15.8°C
Dewpoint: 14.4°C
Humidity: 91%
Wind: SSE 8 km/h

Quote

“It is an illusion that youth is happy, an illusion of those who have lost it; but the young know they are wretched for they are full of the truthless ideals which have been instilled into them, and each time they come in contact with the real, they are bruised and wounded.”
W. Somerset Maugham
1874 – 1965

[Angry, don’t forget angry, first towards their parents, who went along with the deception, and then with the world at large for leading their parents, and ultimately them, into such a compromise. Apparently I am not the only cynical person to have walked the earth, glad to know I am in good company.]

14 Comments

  1. Dental work, argggh! It’s bad enough when it works, let alone having to go back when it hasn’t. I’m grateful dentistry can do what it does, for sure, but still find it an ordeal. Even with the best of dental therapists (this is who I now trust with my teeth).

  2. Isn’t is amazing that dental insurance coverage is something that is deemed “extra” and isn’t covered by normal coverages? I mean, aren’t teeth part of the body? If the teeth/mouth are sick, isn’t the rest of the body likely to be sick? I’ve never understood why they separate dental from other body-part health insurance. We don’t have any dental coverage, therefore, I don’t go at all. Paul dutifully pays out of pocket for every last thing dental-related. He is good, I am not.

  3. Great quote and editorial to it.

    Great post. So many observations.

    I agree with Bex regarding dental insurance in the states. It’s a joke. Very, very expensive with little coverage. I dropped my insurance years ago. My entire life I trotted off to the dentist for a 6 month check-up and cleaning. I have horrible teeth most likely inherited from my father who cautioned me within an inch of brushing all my tooth enamel off. With my IPF diagnosis I stopped going to the dentist and eye doctor. I thought there would be no point. When I outlived my doctor’s prognostic timeline and couldn’t see properly, I did spring for an exam and updated my glasses. I also went to the dentist and decided to do a procedure (I thought it was going to be a simple filling replacement) and walked out $400 poorer. Ugh!

    Regarding your friend who is facing surgery. My thoughts are always streaming his way. There was a clutch in my heart as I read your words about dying. The thought of death conjures myriad thoughts and visions for each of us. I enjoy reading the insights of others, which give me new thoughts or validate my own. It’s odd that I never gave my own death much thought before my prognosis, which offered not even a slender glimmer of hope. Oddly, I never thought about others’ deaths either. I’ve never had much death in my own family… perhaps why I suffered so with my mother’s departure. Yet, I still didn’t apply the inevitable to myself.

    A phone call from my daughter just distracted me from these comments and additional words. My most current post at JS addresses some thoughts I have about my own journey with dying.

  4. TopsyTurvy (Teri)

    I’m so sorry to hear about your friend’s illness. Sending best wishes and healing thoughts. And hugs to you, Maggie.

    I’m having conflicts with my dentist also and, after feeling tortured for over a year and not going for the last 8 months, I find my mouth is in better shape than it was before. I need to get back there, though, and have a few things done. But that one hygienist is never cleaning my teeth again.

    I do consider my childhood happy. Sure, there were times when learning about the adult world intruded and took off some of the shine, but for the most part my childhood (up to my mother’s death when I was 11) was very happy.

    Having had a large extended family that included 3 generations before me, I’ve lived through many deaths, mostly at a distance. Now, I’m pretty much the only one left, so I don’t have much of a focus on death, anymore. My focus is more on being alone, which is hard enough.

  5. Kate, I surely envy people who inherited strong teeth, that are not prone to cavities. My daughters are both like that, they take after their birth father, a fine contribution if an unwitting one.

    My appointment today was a success, thank goodness!

  6. Canada is the same Bex, third party health insurance will cover dental, for a price. Our government health care does not cover dental, unless it is something so serious that it requires an operating room at the hospital.

    When I had an infection in my tooth, which suddenly started spreading up into my ear, and my head, I could not get medical care at the hospital. I was told that I had to see a dentist, paying high rates because this occurred on a Saturday. It didn’t kill me that time, but it might have. I couldn’t pay for a dentist at those rates (hundreds of dollars an hour), so I managed to find a dentist appointment on the Monday, and things had gotten very bad by then. The antibiotics I had to take were nasty, but they got the infection under control. Health care in Canada is not more about compassion than it is in the USA.

  7. Reenie, as you know I have anaphylaxis, and am always one human error away from death. This has been with me since the early 80s, I have had over 30 years of living on the edge, and I’ve developed quite a skill for blocking my fears. At this point, the thought of losing people is far more disturbing to me than the thought of my own demise. I just really, really like having the people I care about here, living on the planet with me.

  8. “my focus is on being alone, which is hard enough”

    Teri, I am so glad that you found your husband, and have a chosen family around you.

    A happy childhood is a great gift!

  9. Steve-Paul Simms

    Thanks for the mention, Maggie. It’s SIMMS, by the way. Any interpretation will do, and that’s a good one.

    Good health to your friend.

  10. Your welcome Steve Paul, sorry for the spelling error, glaring! Fingers crossed for my friend, you know him by the way, if you would like info, email me privately and I’ll fill you in.

  11. NORA

    Hi Maggie,

    First I really, really like the doddle. It’s happy. It reminds me of Aboriginal art. I have a wonderful Tarot done by a few Aboriginal artists and the doodle could have been one of those cards.

    Sorry to hear about your friend’s health challenge. Wishing him well.

    I can appreciate dying as the finish line. I see it as a doorway into another dimension.

    Good news regarding the permission of the author to use her quotes in your book.

    Oh, dread the dentist. I am one of ‘those’. We are going to go to the dentist next month and scare her. We both need work done. I imagine even with insurance it will put us in the poor house for a bit. Hubby has good medical insurance that covers both eyes and dental.

    I was to the eye doctor yesterday and fitted for a different pair of glasses. The frames were $165.00. My exam, new prescription, new frames all came to $68.00. I just could not believe it was so inexpensive.

  12. Thanks Nora, for your kind and encouraging comments about my doodle. I love a lot of the Aboriginal art that I have seen, particularly that from Australia. I don’t know where I am going with the doodles, but I love playing with the colours and developing my eye-hand coordination. The skills I developed during my years studying cartography have all but gone, so I am starting from scratch again, which is OK, because the journey is my goal.

    Thank you for the good wishes for my friend, I am sure the positive energy is reaching him!

    I like the doorway metaphor Nora, leaving one “room”, entering another.

    The author of the book I am quoting is very approachable. When I first started my research, almost twenty years ago, she was very encouraging and helped me along my way. She loves the subject matter about which she writes, and sees devoid of ego issues, She is a delight to interact with.

    You are one of “those”, well I don’t blame you one bit. My brother had an infected back tooth when we were kids, and my mother sent me with him to the dentist, we walked about a mile to get there. The freezing wouldn’t take, so the dentist tied him to the chair and extracted the tooth without freezing. I can still hear my brother’s screams. We walked all the way home after that, my brother had a lot of courage and stamina.

    Wow, that is very inexpensive for eyeglasses! My last pair cost a small fortune. I am allowed an eye examination every two years with Attila’s health insurance, otherwise we would have to pay. The only time the government coverage pays for an eye exam is when you have cataracts or glaucoma.

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