For My Journey

For My Journey

What an intense time we have had here over the last few weeks. The intense experiences just seem to keep coming. What I am realizing is that in each instance, there has been a gift, a treasure, a vital necessary thing that I have needed in my journey through this experience called life.

Mist, in her gentle passing, gave me the experience of a gentle and loving parting. She experienced no fear, no distress during her last hours. She was ready to go, and yet she made time for Attila and I, allowing Attila to brush her as we sat with her in the examination room at the veterinary’s office, allowing me to tickle her chin, nuzzling me. She trusted us and loved us until her last breath, as we did her. That trust is something I needed for my journey.

Reenie, in her boldly lived life, endless capacity for hope, and love, taught me so much about living my own life. I needed her bright light, that she shone so generously on the world, for my journey.

Yesterday, I reunited with my closest younger brother, in age, who I last saw almost thirty years ago. He and I, we shared some very challenging times during our very early years, when we were children, just children. We have both traveled far since then.

He was staying at our Granny and Grandpa’s house, with a friend, an engineer. They were enjoying a few days away from the city to go fishing. He had visited our Granny and Grandpa’s house many times over the years, but I had not managed to visit at the same time. On every visit to Granny and Grandpa’s house I would check to see if he was there, or if he had been there.

Attila and I were visiting our camp, and decided to check on Granny and Grandpa’s house before we left. We knew immediately, as we walked to the back of the house, that someone was staying there. I went inside, calling my brother’s name, but no one was there. I made a call, and found out that he and his friend were staying there, were driving a truck, and had probably gone fishing, those were the only details we had.

We had seen a truck at the boat launch on our way through, so we returned to the boat launch. There was a truck there, so we went down to the shoreline to wait for the return of the fishermen. We met a local couple who were fishing with their son. The fishermen in their boat were nowhere to be seen, so we spent several hours chatting with the fisher-family on the shore. Eventually we saw a boat coming in to the boat launch, so we went to see if it was my brother. It was not. My brother had not been out fishing, as there were no more vehicles at the boat launch, so there were no more boats coming in.

Attila and I decided to head home, and to drop in at Granny and Grandpa’s house on our way by. After parking at the front of the house, we passed the kitchen window. There were lights on, voices from within. We came into the house and my brother rose to say hello, not knowing at first who we were. Then he recognized me. What a joy to see him, to hug him, to know that he was fine. We talked for hours and hours and hours, catching up, filling each other in on the last thirty years of our lives. The years fell away from us as we talked, and we were very young children again, together laughing, grinning. We were very close in our very early years, had great adventures together, in our brief time of innocence. That bond we formed in those early years had only grown stronger over the decades. The young boy who held his mother’s hand for a family photo, adored his younger sisters and brothers, was alive and strong in the man. It seems so very right that this gift was given to us at our Granny and Grandpa’s house, a place that we had both given and received unconditional love. That enduring bond of love and faith that I share with my younger brother was something that I need for my journey.

So the universe has been exceedingly kind to me of late, giving me gifts that I did not know I needed, gifts that have lifted weights from my soul, gifts that have lit dark corridors that had been locked away behind closed doors.

It is enough to make one believe in angels.

Granny and Grandpa’s house, last summer when Luna, Janus, Imp, Elf, and Tink visited. Luna was visiting her Great Grandmother and Grandfather’s house, and the Grandbabies were visiting their GG Grandmother and Grandfather’s house. Five generations of connection.
DSCF3079 grannys house 400x266

Worldly Distractions


Date: 7:00 PM EDT Monday 10 August 2015
Condition: Partly Cloudy
Pressure: 100.9 kPa
Visibility: 16 km
Temperature: 19.4°C
Dewpoint: 18.0°C
Humidity: 92%
Wind: calm


“The lack of emotional security of our American young people is due, I believe, to their isolation from the larger family unit. No two people – no mere father and mother – as I have often said, are enough to provide emotional security for a child. He needs to feel himself one in a world of kinfolk, persons of variety in age and temperament, and yet allied to himself by an indissoluble bond which he cannot break if he could, for nature has welded him into it before he was born.”
Pearl S. Buck
1892 – 1973


  1. TopsyTurvy (Teri)

    What a nice story. I’m so glad that you’ve been given all these lovely discoveries at a time you seem to have needed them. I hope that these things help you feel more whole and able to face the years to come.


  2. WendyNC

    Letting go, being bold in the now, and reaching back–rich feelings indeed, in this case multiplied by their proximity. Thank you for sharing the journey.

  3. Wendy, thank you for the insightful feedback, “Letting go, being bold in the now, and reaching backÔÇôrich feelings indeed, in this case multiplied by their proximity.” captures the primal nature of my recent experiences. I feel so very fortunate to have been able to perceive and to accept these gifts. It was my time.

    “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:”

  4. Thank you Lee Ann, it was a very long time, a time that we both apparently needed to get back to our innocence.

    It reminds me of a great movie, The Straight Story, a 1999 biographical drama film directed by David Lynch, that deals with the passage of time, the evolvement of perception, and the strength of connection.

  5. Kate, you are so right, the experience reached right into the core of my being, releasing the years of separation, allowing the to be woven into our shared story and our personal journeys. Whatever life brings us, we carry the gift of this connection with us.

  6. I’m guilty of being absent from the company of my own biological family members – even though they are nearby, I never see them. Only very occasionally have I seen my sister but my brother has been a stranger to me for more than a decade now. The mental picture I have of you and your brother reconnecting after such a long period of time is lovely. I’m not sure it will happen for me as there are circumstances standing in the way. I have had to make many non-biological people my family in the meantime which is fine with me – we are all related in the end, aren’t we?

  7. Bex, the world is a complicated place isn’t it, particularly when it comes to our biological families. Personally, I would not use the word guilt in this context, but that may be nitpicking, and if it is I apologize. People have their reasons for doing the things they do, and usually those reasons are not motivated by a desire to hurt or damage anyone else. For my brother and I it was simply the right time and right place, and that time and place were a gift to both of us.

    My brother and I, upon recognition, hugged one another for a very long time. It was emotional, and filled with the purest kind of love and acceptance. No questions were asked before that long embrace, no qualifying statements, just eye contact leading to our warm embrace. Our bond formed before either of us had achieved a grasp on language, it is of a primal nature, a recognition of life force that no words can effectively convey. We are very fortunate to have that. I feel that for all of my siblings, they are very, very dear to me, each and every one.

    I do believe you are right Bex, we are all related in the end, close biological links are not necessary to feel “family ” ties, and the friendships and connections we make are the wealth of our species, the true basis of human life on planet earth.

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