As I grow older there are fewer and fewer “long dark tea times of the soul”. I doubt I will ever be completely free of nights like this. They serve a purpose, and that is to come to grips with change, inner change. Internal change is not easy, nor is it painless. But avoiding it leads to all sorts of ongoing complications and unpleasantness. So I choose not to avoid it, although I admit to a certain amount of procrastination, which leads to a backlog, which leads to the all night vigil for change to clear things up.
So here I sit at 2:00 a.m., after having tossed and turned in my bed for hours. I feel tired, but I know I will not sleep until I have processed these thoughts and feelings.
I used to think that talking to someone would help this stage of my process. Experience has taught me otherwise. What I am dealing with does not lend itself to language, it is just too exhausting to bring all the loose ends of an issue into communication.
In the past I’ve talked with good listeners, wise people, compassionate and tolerant people, about elements of the issues, and have had wonderful feedback. But it is up to me to weave all of these loose filaments into a life.
As circumstances change, and I change, the dance of life plays on.
Tonight’s journey is not directly related to changes in outward circumstances, but to internal changes that need my attention. This is often referred to as personal growth.
I will give this my full attention tonight. I will allow my emotions to rise and be felt. I will comfort myself with kindness, and firmness, and acceptance. I will eventually return to my bed, and fall asleep for a few hours before morning offers a new day. I will awaken to a renewed sense of balance.
Tomorrow I will have a mellow day. Tomorrow night I will get a full night’s sleep.
Worldly
Weather
Updated on Sun, May 12 at 1:57 AM
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FEELS LIKE 11
Light rain
Wind 4 E km/h
Humidity 90 %
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Wind gust 6 km/h
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Quote
“In the past the whales had been able to sing to each other across whole oceans, even from one ocean to another because sound travels such huge distances underwater. But now, again because of the way in which sound travels, there is no part of the ocean that is not constantly jangling with the hubbub of ships’ motors, through which it is now virtually impossible for the whales to hear each other’s songs or messages.
So fucking what, is pretty much the way that people tend to view this problem, and understandably so, thought Dirk. After all, who wants to hear a bunch of fat fish, oh all right, mammals, burping at each other?
But for a moment Dirk had a sense of infinite loss and sadness that somewhere amongst the frenzy of information noise that daily rattled the lives of men he thought he might have heard a few notes that denoted the movements of gods.”
Douglas Adams
1952 – 2001
from the The Long Dark Tea Time of the Soul
I do hope you were able to sleep after processing whatever it was that had your mind buzzing.
Doug Adams had the right of it, as do you. Here’s wishing you peaceful integration and a better night’s sleep tonight.
Wendy, a friend in the academy introduced me to Douglas Adams’ writing, loved it from the get go. Thank you for your kind wishes, I am up and at em this morning, the morning after, a little bit tired, and ready to tackle the day, and a good night’s sleep!
Cathy, thank you for your kind wishes, I did not sleep very much, even after turning in at 4 a.m., tossed and turned all night long. Sigh. But as a result I am feeling very chipper this morning, tired but alert and determined to get on with the what needs doing. After a night of psychic landscaping, my inner garden is refreshed.
Hi Maggie. I alo hope you got some sleep. Do you ever np and des that help you feel rested? ((Hugs)) Sandy
Hi Sandy! I did get a few hours sleep, between the tosses and turns after 4 p.m. when I finally decided to try again.
If I nap I have a bad night’s sleep, so I seldom do it, although I enjoy the naps. I’ve been awake all day, and surprisingly alert and active. I have baked two dozen muffins, cleaned, made a huge batch of soup, and filled in some forms from the health centre. I am beginning to flag now, it is after 10 p.m., so I anticipate I will sleep soundly tonight.
Sending hugs and hope you were able to resolve what was bothering you. I read somewhere that it helps to write down all the issues that are keeping you awake…sort of having a dumping ground for the worries and emotions. Hope you get an excellent sleep tonight!
Thank you Eileen for your kind wishes. It is now Monday, May 13th, and I slept well last night. My issue were growth related, which is ongoing, and the blockage was processed, so onward! I’ve had a good day today. Best wishes to you!
Sending you hugs. I’m glad you made it the other side of your hard times.
Thank you Teri for your kindness. Thank goodness these balancing sessions usually succeed after one night!