Tai Chi was a misery today. I can’t really keep up with the class, which doesn’t bother me at all. When something is difficult, I stop and watch. I might look confused, I am, and that is how I need to feel and look while I am figuring things out. I made no demands on anyone else, or on the pace of the lesson. When you have significant differences, it takes time to transform what you see, into what your body will actually do. I get there, at my own pace. Apparently, today, my own pace was not acceptable to one self-important female social engineer, who constantly directed me, interrupted my concentration and flow, and even told me I shouldn’t practise at home. What a know-it-all ass she was. I have been home from class for a few hours now, and I am still feeling annoyed! Can you tell?

I’ll try a different class next week and see how it goes.

It is sunny and beautiful here today, and warm, and windy. I enjoyed my drive to class, and my drive back.

It seems I did reach a turning point last week. Nothing has changed here at Mist Cottage, as far as I can tell, the change is within me. The holding pattern is doing just that, holding. It offers no particular hope, just each day of undisrupted existence, the present, nothing more. I am having trouble sleeping again, awakening at 1:30 a.m. most mornings, despite a consistent bedtime every evening. The insomnia will just have to be waited out, it was better for a while, now it isn’t, but hopefully it will be again soon. I continue to cycle through the different stages of grief, but the lows aren’t so low as they were.

I was supposed to do some banking at the end of last week, and I completely forgot about it. So this afternoon I headed over the bank, and managed to get the whole process completed. What a relief to get it all done, before I forget about it again. Now I can forget about it in peace.

I have been back at baking homemade 60% whole wheat bread. The first three pound loaf came out as a brick, it could have been used for a wall. The second loaf was much better. My loaves last one week, and by the end of the week the bread is very dry. I made bread yesterday, and this time I added 1 teaspoon of ascorbic acid powder. I notice a difference in the crumb, it is better, and the taste has improved, a subtle improvement. By the end of the week it will be evident if the ascorbic acid addresses the dryness issue.

Mom has been on the road since Saturday, and is due to arrive home today! She is driving herself home from Florida. It is so nice that the weather is decent for her journey, and to greet her as she returns to Ontario.

The spring equinox arrives in three weeks and one day!

Worldly Distractions


Date: 2:00 PM EST Monday 26 February 2018
Condition: Mostly Cloudy
Pressure: 102.1 kPa
Tendency: Rising
Temperature: 5.9°C
Dew point: -3.0°C
Humidity: 53%
Wind: W 21 gust 33 km/h
Visibility: 24 km


“I shut my eyes in order to see.”
Paul Gauguin
1848 – 1903

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10 Responses to Know-It-All

  1. Monica says:

    Could you not slice your loaf and put it in the freezer and then take it out a slice at a time? That way you would always enjoy it fresh.

    It defrosts very quickly a slice at a time, especially if you put it on an upended saucepan with a good conducting bottom.

  2. WendyNC says:

    So who died and left her in charge? I think you have better manners than I do. At best, she would have gotten the complete stop, utter silence, and the titled head with raised eyebrows. More likely, at this age, I’d have asked her the question in so many words.

    Okay, if I am being totally honest here, I would probably have asked her who licked the red off her candy and why she trying to take it out on me. Being past sixty, I don’t put up with so much anymore.

    I’ve been to China and seen Chinese people doing Tai Chi in the parks there. Funny how they don’t seem to have any problem with people doing what they can or modifying moves to handle what they can’t or just staying still. Based on my observation, you’re right and she’s wrong.

  3. Eileen says:

    Glad you aren’t giving up on the Tai Chi because of Miss Know-it-all. If she wanted to help she could have simply asked you if you wanted her help. I’m sorry you have to live in this limbo that is your life now. I can imagine it is like waiting for the other shoe to drop and not knowing if it will or when it will. I admire you that you are being true to yourself and taking care of your needs. One day at a time, one foot in front of the other. Sending hugs, Maggie.:)

  4. Wendy! LOL Oh I wish I weren’t the polite Canadian girl that I am!

    This bossy bess is an exception rather than the rule, there are over 25 people there and she is the only one “just sayin'” at even the instructor, not just me. I was the focus of most of her nonsense though, because I am working at my own pace, and my arm leads the truly ignorant to assume that my mind is working under capacity, just because my arm is. I’ve met many like her I a sorry to say, they are attracted to me like bees to honey. I’ll avoid her as much as I can, and then.. I might just quote you! 🙂

  5. Eileen, thank you for your kind thoughts, ((hugs)) Life is day-by-day, and there is nothing for it but to struggle through the low points, and be grateful for the small pockets of time in the eye of the storm.

    I think you are correct, Miss Know-it-all doesn’t really want to help, that isn’t her real motivation.

  6. Monica, what a great suggestion! If it was me eating the bread I think that might be a very good way around the dryness issue.
    The bread is used for sandwiches for Attila’s lunch, which he makes himself, and I can’t see him changing the way he does things, even if it meant the bread might be fresher… old dog, no new tricks kind of thing.

  7. It’s a shame that bossy lady bothered you! She should just mind her own business. I hope you can find a more peaceful class. I hope better sleep returns, soon, too.

  8. Douwe Geluk says:

    Greetings from Holland. Very good of you that you do not give up on Tai Chi ..

    As i see it a class is never a misery but a way to free your mind.

    Do not stress in Tai Chi just following the moves and do what you can is good enough. Dont try to remember just do….

    Douwe Geluk
    Tai Chi Apeldoorn
    The Netherlands

  9. Joan, it is a shame about the bossy lady, some people are just not balanced personalities, and she is one of them. I need to get better at ignoring the aggressive imbalanced souls in the universe. There are more peaceful classes for me to attend, thank goodness!

    On little sleep I can remain alert for a few hours, on demand, but would be hard pressed to maintain that alertness for an entire day. Stress has always disrupted my sleep patterns, so working on ways to address my internal stress will eventually get me back to more restful nights.

  10. Douwe, hello from Canada!

    “As i see it a class is never a misery but a way to free your mind.”

    Yes! Thank you so much for the encouragement.

    I really do like Tai Chi, I can move through the first five moves now, and it is really enjoyable to do them, concentrating on my own body, without watching someone else. I am truly happy with my progress, that I have five moves that I can enjoy, and knowing that eventually there will be many more moves to enjoy.

    The classes I am taking are instructed by volunteers, and their teaching skills vary. There are 108 moves in the set that is being taught. The beginners classes are setup, as far as I can tell, to teach three additional moves each week, in about one hour. Each week I fall further behind, which I am fine with. With yesterday’s class I concentrated on just doing the foot movements for the moves that were being taught, as they involved turning the foot, and my arthritic knees require that I move correctly. I think I will be able to do the foot movements painlessly, if I perform the balance and sequence correctly… it is worth taking the time to develop the proper movements.

    In an ideal learning environment for learning this set, for me, I cannot speak for others, I would be offered levels of learning. For instance, I would begin by learning the first three moves, and be allowed to repeat these moves, to practise, learning foot placements, balance, arm movements, hand positions, etc. I would stay in the first “three move class” until I (my decision, my choice) was comfortable to move on to the next three moves. In the next “three move class” I could learn the additional moves, add them to the first three moves, practise all six until I was comfortable with them… and then move on to a class to learn the next three moves, and so on. I would be able to experience success and enjoyment at each level as I progressed, never moving beyond what I could learn comfortably. People who learn faster than I do could move through the “three move classes” very quickly, and not be held back by those of us who are slower. I am taking this approach as I practice at home, using youtube videos, and a book I bought from the Tai Chi class.

    The classes are very important to me, I learn a lot from the instructors and most of the other participants. The classes are central to my enjoyment of Tai Chi.

    This know-it-all has missed the whole point of Tai Chi!