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A quiet day. It was snowing this morning. It is sunny now.
I’ve been working away at editing sources. I take breaks to have a drink of water, to stand at the window and look out at the pines dancing with the breeze, to eat a few almonds, and just to walk about in circles for a bit.
Most days I work in silence, only the small sounds of domestic life around me; the fridge cycling, the clock ticking, Mist having a little snack or a drink of water.
Today I have music playing, a Songza collection called Coffee Shop Sway, very pleasant.
And then it happened. I thawed!
I’ve been dealing with a lot of minor misery for the last few months. Winter, my former employer’s shenanigans, three government agencies to appease, working at an unpleasant location, driving on bad roads… the list goes on. When things are too much for me, as they have been, the genuine parts of my personality go on vacation. Parts of me simply cease to exist, as there is no sane environment for them to live in. It is as if my genuine self is encased in a thick layer of ice, cold and impenetrable.
So working away, with the music playing in the background, a short melodic phrase, familiar in its joy, shot through that icy shell. I stopped breathing for just a second, in shock. And then there I was, completely me, happy to be alive, happy to be myself. Joy feels like dancing with the sun, sleeping with the baby, flowing around boulders with the stream; Every cell alive, seeing the beauty in the people, in the place and in the invisible connecting strands that allow vision and awareness.
I am so grateful to be spending time in a world that deserves my respect and trust. I am so grateful to know the difference between an environment that deserves my respect and trust, and one that does not.
I have much to let go of, and I think I’ve finally sent some of it off into the universe. Bonne chance and farewell.
Worldly Distractions
Weather
1 °C
Condition: Mainly Sunny
Pressure: 101.7 kPa
Visibility: 16 km
Temperature: 1.4°
Dewpoint: -12.0°C
Humidity: 36 %
Wind: WNW 26 gust 41 km/h
Quote
“Joy is prayer – Joy is strength – Joy is love – Joy is a net of love by which you can catch souls.”
Mother Teresa
1910 – 1997
… and let them go again!
Your writing is like poetry to my ears and my mind. I went back to 1999 and read some of your old entries from then and wow, what fabulous talent you have. I will continue reading older entries now for a peek into more thoughts from Canada. I’ve always wanted to visit Canada but I know I never will now… it’s nice to hear your words giving me the mental impressions of it. thank you..
Inspiring and makes me happy for you.
Bex, your words bring such a warm feeling! Thank you for that.
Like the USA, Canada is large and varied. My experiences are mostly from Ontario, although I have travelled the country from sea to sea. I’ve worked at jobs from the most menial in the country, to being a Professor at College and teaching students at the University, and a lot of other jobs that fall between those extremes. No matter where I’ve worked, lived, or travelled, it is the people who are their own true selves that I enjoy the most; and have the most respect for.
Kate, thanks for the happy! Hope your snow is going away slowly but surely out there in the west.
I’m so glad you had a good day. You so richly deserve all the joy you can get!
a Buddhist understands this entry completely
Thank you Joan, it is always there isn’t it, the joy, waiting for us.
Sarah, it is interesting that you mention Buddhist belief. When I was visiting a Calgary museum I passed through a room of Buddhist statues. While walking through one corner of the room I experienced a sudden wave of emotional “warmth”. Confused, I walked around the room several times and each time I passed through that particular corner of the room, I felt a welling of emotional “warmth”. I spent time stranding in front of different displays in that corner, and at last stood in the exact spot that was the source of that feeling. The display I was looking at was of a Buddhist Goddess of Compassion. It was difficult to leave.