January 20, 2009

There ain't no cure...



Here are a few of my favorite online haunts:
[This is the site I visit to fantasize about living in Toronto again, which is almost every single day during the winter]

Jonathan Cainer's Zodiac Forecasts
[This is where I visit in the morning, when I need a positive spin on things past, present and future.]

Living Local
[This is where I go to see what Canadians are up to, sometimes I even buy things from the businesses listed there.]

Environment Canada Weather
[This is the site I visit every morning, and before every road trip during the winter]

There were a few small warning signs, touches of irritability over inconsequential matters and an irritating twitch just under my left eye.

When I lay my head on the pillow last night I had no idea what was ahead of me. At 3:30 a.m. I looked over at the clock and thought, "will this night never end!"

I did drift off to sleep sometime after 4:00 a.m., but since we rise at 5:20 a.m., there wasn't much time for sleeping left.

There was nothing troubling me, nothing in particular on my mind. Same old problems, same old challenges, same old life. What had changed, I believe, is that the cumulative effect of isolation had finally tipped my balance and a full blown case of cabin fever emerged over the course of one day.

I think what tipped the balance were two consecutive telephone conversations with someone who laid out their political parties imperatives, and aggresively sought my agreement. Their intent was not harmful. I tried to change the subject, as I don't like discussing politics. I don't agree with everything that anyone else says and do not feel a need to have them agree with anything I believe.

I weathered the first conversation feeling only irritated. The second conversation left me feeling under seige; and I was forced to gently offer a differing opinion, which seemed to offend. Free speech has to be mutual to live up to its own definition.

Not much to be done about cabin fever though, "there ain't no cure". I will get out of the house on Thursday for a few hours, when we visit the library. The trips to the library have slowed the advance of cabin fever, but cannot halt it altogether.

Usually, at this point, I begin to try to help myself. At least that is what I think I am doing.

I apply for work in the big city, which has not so far resulted in even an interview; I am too far removed from the networks that provide easy access to employment offering a livable wage. I apply for work locally, when there are jobs advertised that I could actually manage; this year there are no local jobs listed in the papers or on the internet that I could manage. Our car supports Attila's employment, which is regular at the moment and cannot be put at risk to accomodate the odd hours usually demanded by low wage employment. Low end jobs will not support a car. It goes in circles.

I've given this tactic a fair chance, for five long years. This year I am not going to send out hopeless resumes; it deepens and quickens the effects of cabin fever.

Another tactic I tried last year was to join an organization based on mutual interest, my allergy. It turned out there were no groups close enough for access. It was suggested to me that I could start up my own group. The area where I live is not populated enough to support a group. I came up with the idea of creating a forum for those isolated, under the auspices of the organization I had joined. They said it was a wonderful idea and they would get back to me. They never did, and never will. Again, that tactic deepened and quickened the effects of cabin fever.

This year I have contacted another organization to see if there is any possibility of serving my community under their auspices. They were very friendly, and said they would get back to me. I have no confidence that this will occurr and fear I've made another error in judgement, that will deepen and quicken the effects of cabin fever.

I'm not sure I'll give this second tactic, volunteerism, a full five years of disappointment, before abandoning it to the realms of been there, done that.

So, I am sitting here looking out at the beautiful landscape, wondering at the seemingly insurmountable gap between what organizations say they are doing and what they actually are able to accomplish. Shocking really, the chasm.

Mist sleeps, I fantasize, snow falls and the day will pass.

I do have another tactic up my sleeve though: macaroni and cheese! Attila was very pleased to find a hot plate of fresh homemade mac n cheese waiting for him. It really is comfort food, really.

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Wordly Distractions

The expanding ice awning, the sky is still there even if you cannot see it.
The descent of snow. The sky is still up there, it just cannot be seen, for now.

Eddy Fitzgerald
words and music by
John Wort Hannam

On The Screen
Pyramids Designed for Eternity
Secrets of Archeology Series

By The Easy Chair
Dragonfly in Amber
by Diana Gabaldon

"All that is active, all that is enveloped in time and space, is endowed with what might be described as an abstract, ideal and absolute impermeability."
Samuel Beckett

Condition: Light Snow
Temperature: -15.5C
Pressurey: 101.1 kPa
Visibility: 11.3 km
Humidity: 78 %
Wind Chill: -20
Dewpoint: -18.4C
Wind: SE 5 km/h

Page by Page: A Woman's Journal
by Maggie Turner

Canadian Maggie Turner writes and publishes poetry, photography, and a personal journal online. Her work reflects the current way of life in Canada, embracing Canada's past, present, and future in a unique portrayal of everyday life. Maggie's voice is one of the many that actively depict the rich diversity of Canadian culture.

Photography: "a term which comes from the Greek words photos (light) and graphos (drawing). A photograph is made with a camera by exposing film to light in order to create a negative. The negative is then used in the darkroom to print a photograph (positive) onto light-sensitive paper.
Source: University of Arizona Glossary

Poetry: "a form of speech or writing that harmonizes the music of its language with its subject. To read a great poem is to bring out the perfect marriage of its sound and thought in a silent or voiced performance. At least from the time of Aristotle's Poetics, drama was conceived of as a species of poetry."
Source: Creative Studios

Journal: " "Though a journal may be many things - a treasury, a storehouse, a jewelry box, a laboratory, a drafting board, a collector's cabinet, a snapshot album, a history, a travelogue..., a letter to oneself - it has some definable characteristics. It is a record, an entry-book, kept regularly, though not necessarily daily.... Some (entries) will be nearly illegible, written in the dark in the middle of the night.... Not only is it a record for oneself, but of oneself. Every memorable journal, any successful journal, is honest. Nothing sham, phony, false...." (Dorothy Lambert from Ken Macrorie's book, Writing to be Read )
A journal is a way to keep track of your thoughts about what you read... as well as what you did on any given day."
Source: Journal Writing

A Blog is an online journal created by server side software, often hosted by a commercial interest.

"The term "weblog" was coined by Jorn Barger[4] on 17 December 1997. The short form, "blog," was coined by Peter Merholz, who jokingly broke the word weblog into the phrase we blog in the sidebar of his blog in April or May 1999.[5][6][7] Shortly thereafter, Evan Williams at Pyra Labs used "blog" as both a noun and verb ("to blog," meaning "to edit one's weblog or to post to one's weblog") and devised the term "blogger" in connection with Pyra Labs' Blogger product, leading to the popularization of the terms."

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