A quiet day dawns.

The summer heat seems to have left us, at last. It is still unusually mild, with daytime temperatures above 20 degrees Celsius. Today is sunny, which accentuates the beauty of the green/orange/red/yellow contrasts displayed by the trees.

I am feeling a little lost. One can become accustomed to difficult times, so much so that, when the world slows down to a manageable pace, disorientation sets in. For the first time since we moved here there is no outstanding and pressing home maintenance issue to be dealt with. There is no heart-wrenching and humiliating job search activity to force myself into. There are no people or events in our day-to-day lives. Here we are, well sheltered and well fed. And for now at least, I feel lost. Funny old world.

In accordance with my feelings of disorientation, I have been performing some real bloopers around the house. My salsa “soup” began the trend. Then, on Wednesday, I decided to apply kiln wash to my kiln shelf. Another blooper. I assumed the single bag in the box was the kiln wash and didn’t read the label. Ha! It wasn’t the kiln wash, but a highly toxic glaze. Luckily I had taken all the precautions necessary to work with glazes anyway, wearing a facemask and working outside for optimum ventilation. Now I have some incorrectly mixed glaze, as the proportions are all wrong, and still need to prepare the kiln wash.

It is difficult to come by containers for mixing the glaze. Many people use heavy-duty plastic buckets, but these are in very short supply here in the bush. I’ll have to save the badly mixed glaze and correct my mistake someday when I have containers suitable for mixing glaze. In the meantime the kiln wash can be properly mixed and applied, which will leave me ready for the first bisque firing.

The salsa “soup” actually turned out to be a very nice sauce for enchiladas, which we have enjoyed several times this week. I soaked pinto beans all day Monday, cooked them in a crockpot on high all night and then fried them with olive oil, onions and a bit of cumin on Tuesday. The refried beans fit very well in a 1.5 L wide-mouthed mason jar, which was stored in the refrigerator. For a quick dinner all I have to do is spread the beans like peanut butter on the store-bought flour tortillas, sprinkle with grated cheddar cheese and chopped onion, roll and place in a baking dish. Sprinkle grated cheddar cheese on top, dollop with sour cream and bake covered at 350 degrees for around 40 minutes. Serve hot from the oven topped with salsa.

Since I cannot eat in restaurants, good times over food have to be shared at home. Attila makes the concessions necessary to ensure that I feel comfortable and safe wherever we eat. It is a commitment he has made to me; an acknowledgement and awareness of my uniqueness, that lets me, feel valued and respected. In our little world there is no “But what about Maggie…” no distress over my special needs, no pity, no annoyance and no guilty concessions. My allergy is part of how I live, and Attila comes to my world and spends time with me there, because I cannot leave it and live.

There are fast foods in our little world, two favorites are: Tortellini with Pesto Sauce and Enchiladas. For a woman who cannot eat in restaurants I do very well.

I make no special effort to think outside the box; I live outside the box.

I suspect a significant proportion of the Canadian population lives outside the box. It isn’t comfortable out here, so one cannot really expect anyone to voluntarily spend time here.

If my little world were to expand, an unlikely event, it would see the decline of hierarchies, competition and greed as social values. No one would need their 15 minutes of fame in order to feel accomplishment, recognition and inclusion. It would see an escalation in personal integrity, honesty, respect for oneself and ultimately others, an understanding of the profound uniqueness of individuals and a willingness to acknowledge and honour difference. If I were in charge of the world, no one would be allowed to be in charge of the world. Should would become could. My agenda is so extremely out of step with the present human condition, that sometimes it seems like I am living amongst aliens, who don’t even know themselves. Age, mountains of education and experience has only served to support my views and verify my hope.