Well, I am once again dictating into my head set. I had abandoned doing this while learning to use Quicken and installing Windows98 on Marjory. Upon returning to dictation I find that my speech habits are sloppy and I must begin afresh to accustom myself to enunciating clearly.
Personal growth continues to plague me.
Today I am facing the fact that we cannot always have what we want. There is an element in my personality that firmly believes that if you want something badly enough it can be attained. What is becoming painfully obvious to me, is that there are limits to understanding and therefore to the ability to want effectively. What I have wanted is quite reasonable and desirable, it is something many people possess and take for granted, but for me it has never been practical. Like love, desire is blind.
I am stubborn and do not relinquish my aspirations easily or gracefully. However, after many years, the light of the truth has finally dawned on this particular issue. Abandoning a dream requires a period of grieving. Today I grieve.
The weather remains cool and the skies remain gray. It is a good day for grieving, as sunny skies are predicted later in the week. As there are limits to understanding there are also limits to grief.
Our neighbor Grace was rushed to the hospital last night, suffering from severe chest pains. She has had several heart attacks over the last few years. Because I am not next of kin, information about the state of her health is unavailable from the hospital. However, the nurses informed me that I might visit her during visiting hours and gave me her room number. I can surmise from this information that she is alive and well enough to receive visitors. This is good news.
On a bright note as well, Attila's commitments have lessened for a few weeks. His smiling face will be seen morning, noon, and night, for two whole and consecutive days this coming weekend. If the sun shines and temperatures rise, I really could not ask for more.
On my desk is a postcard. On the postcard is printed a lovely and appealing scene. Edinburgh Castle sits high above the city that spreads out at its feet. The winter sunrise, or perhaps it is a sunset, casts a surreal and rosy glow on the castle promontory and on the church spires reaching skyward from below. Steve Paul sent this postcard from Scotland last month. He traveled there with his sister, to spend time in the land where Alison spent her last days. He wrote that Alison was everywhere, as I gaze at the card his feeling travels across time and space to my heart. Such a friend is a treasure.
|RECIPES :: Cast
From a Distance
By the Easy Chair
Adobe Photoshop 5.0
I'm Not Trying to Forget You Anymore
Willie Nelson, "Spirit"
2:22 PM DST
Temp: 18` C
Wind: W 4 mph
Sunrise 5:46 AM DST
Sunset 8:59 PM DST
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