I have been lost in my head today. It is not that I was pleasantly pensive or entertaining high and lofty thought. No, I was having difficulty remembering, from one task to the next, how they all fit together. Although less frightening than being physically lost, mental bewilderment is disorienting.
There is a reason for my confusion, a good reason. I am suffering from "computer brain". You see I am in the midst of redesigning this web site. To aid my efforts I have purchased Dreamweaver 3 for the Macintosh; I have only had the program for about a week. It is a wonderful program, but unfamiliar. I am learning quickly. Small mistakes can cause great havoc, with a program this powerful and legions of files to manage.
I am a somewhat cavalier pupil. I make many small mistakes. I make a few big mistakes. I have been making the old two steps forward and one step back sort of progress all day. At one point I abandoned the computer and escaped to the kitchen to eat my confusion into submission. It worked until I returned to the computer.
Believing my progress sufficient to upload, I did just that. To my absolute horror, when I checked the site with a browser I found that I had completely forgotten to include any of the links! Navigation was impossible. I went back to the drawing board in a panic and promptly froze the computer's operating system and had to reboot. It seems to work now, both the computer and the site.
It smells wonderful in our back yard. There are many kinds of flowers blooming; the two that scent the wind are the lilac and the lily of the valley. I am disappointed that it is too cold to keep the window open in my office. I must sit outside in the cold wind to enjoy the garden. Attila cut some lily of the valley for me yesterday; it sits before me on my desk. I enjoy watching the changing light play on the shadowed curve of the small white bells.
My friends Auntie Mame and Mike are having a very difficult week. Mike's Dad passed away this week; the funeral is tomorrow. Although I did not know his father, I do know that Mike is one wonderful human. His father had a hand in that, I imagine. Losing a parent is unquestionably one of life's most profound losses. I will be thinking of Mike and his family tomorrow.
This past Wednesday Auntie Mame's dear and long-time friend passed away, a victim of cancer. Auntie Mame has been assisting her friend's elderly mother with the details of bereavement. It is a sad and challenging time. I do wish there were something I could do to help. In reality, the pain of loss is a necessary element of human attachment.
I hope to spend some time with Auntie Mame this week; I find I crave the comfort of her presence.
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