I can see how adjusting to living with a man who was my spouse, who I wanted to be my spouse, but now is only a man I am living with, is going to take some time.
Painful encounters today:
Sending New Year’s Greetings from only me, many tears.
Filling in a form with a line for Spouse, more tears. I put Attila down as contact anyway, but have to think Pseudo-Spouse in my head to get through it, and keep repeating it to myself every time the emotions well up.
That is enough for one day! This is very hard. I trust the universe, that this will get easier.
Not everyone in my world is able to offer me support, some relationships are too troubled for that. This is another sadness, which has come up during this crisis.
Attila and I continue to talk, which has been very positive. We are not talking about getting back together as a couple, an us, that is off the table, we talk about going forward with this new reality, which is hard, hard, hard, so that the positive tone of our conversations is a blessing, even though what we talk about isn’t so wonderful.
I cry when I read the good wishes sent to me, so very loving and thoughtful and helpful… each one touches my heart, and gives me strength. It is so different, to cry from a loving word, compared to crying in despair. Your words are such an integral part of my stitch by stitch, and I thank you.
EXTREME COLD WARNING IN EFFECT
Date: 1:00 PM EST Monday 1 January 2018
Condition: Light Snow
Pressure: 102.8 kPa
Dew point: -21.9°C
Wind: E 16 km/h
Wind Chill: -27
Visibility: 2 km
“It really doesn’t matter if the person who hurt you deserves to be forgiven. Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. You have things to do and you want to move on.”