Know-It-All

Tai Chi was a misery today. I can’t really keep up with the class, which doesn’t bother me at all. When something is difficult, I stop and watch. I might look confused, I am, and that is how I need to feel and look while I am figuring things out. I made no demands on anyone else, or on the pace of the lesson. When you have significant differences, it takes time to transform what you see, into what your body will actually do. I get there, at my own pace. Apparently, today, my own pace was not acceptable to one self-important female social engineer, who constantly directed me, interrupted my concentration and flow, and even told me I shouldn’t practise at home. What a know-it-all ass she was. I have been home from class for a few hours now, and I am still feeling annoyed! Can you tell?

I’ll try a different class next week and see how it goes.

It is sunny and beautiful here today, and warm, and windy. I enjoyed my drive to class, and my drive back.

It seems I did reach a turning point last week. Nothing has changed here at Mist Cottage, as far as I can tell, the change is within me. The holding pattern is doing just that, holding. It offers no particular hope, just each day of undisrupted existence, the present, nothing more. I am having trouble sleeping again, awakening at 1:30 a.m. most mornings, despite a consistent bedtime every evening. The insomnia will just have to be waited out, it was better for a while, now it isn’t, but hopefully it will be again soon. I continue to cycle through the different stages of grief, but the lows aren’t so low as they were.

I was supposed to do some banking at the end of last week, and I completely forgot about it. So this afternoon I headed over the bank, and managed to get the whole process completed. What a relief to get it all done, before I forget about it again. Now I can forget about it in peace.

I have been back at baking homemade 60% whole wheat bread. The first three pound loaf came out as a brick, it could have been used for a wall. The second loaf was much better. My loaves last one week, and by the end of the week the bread is very dry. I made bread yesterday, and this time I added 1 teaspoon of ascorbic acid powder. I notice a difference in the crumb, it is better, and the taste has improved, a subtle improvement. By the end of the week it will be evident if the ascorbic acid addresses the dryness issue.

Mom has been on the road since Saturday, and is due to arrive home today! She is driving herself home from Florida. It is so nice that the weather is decent for her journey, and to greet her as she returns to Ontario.

The spring equinox arrives in three weeks and one day!

Worldly Distractions

Weather

6°C
Date: 2:00 PM EST Monday 26 February 2018
Condition: Mostly Cloudy
Pressure: 102.1 kPa
Tendency: Rising
Temperature: 5.9°C
Dew point: -3.0°C
Humidity: 53%
Wind: W 21 gust 33 km/h
Visibility: 24 km

Quote

“I shut my eyes in order to see.”
Paul Gauguin
1848 – 1903

Grateful

Today the world outside is white as white can be. Last night it snowed, and it has snowed a bit this morning as well. The plow has been through, but I have not ventured out with the shovel, not yet anyway.

I made whole wheat bread last night, and it is awful! Suitable for for building a brick wall I think, not really edible. I say this, and yet Attila carved off a few slices to take to work with him today, he will deliver a verdict this evening. No matter what his verdict is, I won’t use that recipe again! Further experimentation is required, and will be undertaken until I come up with a whole wheat loaf that I consider acceptable.

Today I’ve been busy with filing, a bit of purging, paperwork for the windows project, research for the insulation project, and just tying up loose administrative ends. I don’t like doing any of this, but I do like the feeling I get when one of these tasks is completed. That little bit of good feeling keeps me motivated to slog on with it all. It is beginning to look as if the windows and insulation projects could be done and dusted by June, which would give Attila lots of lead time to get going on the garage roof and his studio.

I am trying to learn Tai Chi here in the living room. The book is extremely helpful, in that it shows exactly what I should be doing with my feet. The placement of my feet, and how to move them, is crucial for my knees, and my primary concern at this stage of the game. It isn’t exactly the way it is being taught, but I know what I need to learn first, and that is how I am going to do it. If I don’t keep up with the beginners class, well then I don’t. I will follow along cheerfully when I attend, until it all comes together for me, at my own pace.

These aren’t the most cheerful days I’ve ever experienced! And yet, there are small parts of my day that pass peacefully, without turmoil or pain, and that is something to be grateful for.

Worldly Distractions

Weather

-4°C
Date: 2:00 PM EST Tuesday 6 February 2018
Condition: Partly Cloudy
Pressure: 102.7 kPa
Tendency: Rising
Temperature: -4.2°C
Dew point: -11.9°C
Humidity: 55%
Wind: WSW 18 gust 34 km/h
Wind Chill: -10
Visibility: 24 km

Quote

“Whenever evil befalls us, we ought to ask ourselves, after the first suffering, how we can turn it into good. So shall we take occasion, from one bitter root, to raise perhaps many flowers.”
Leigh Hunt
1784 – 1859