Another Day

6:00 a.m.

I awoke at 3:35 a.m., too late to have a drink of water, too early to start the day. I have to abstain from drinking or eating onward from 3:30 a.m., I have my x-ray today, and that is the instruction for the procedure. The appointment is in the city, so I have planned a bunch of odd jobs to accomplish while I am there. Of course this means that I need to bring a packed breakfast, and will also be bringing snacks, and lots of water to drink when the test is done!

I still have two and a half hours to put in before I leave to drive to the appointment. I find remembering not to drink or eat, when I am tired, and thirsty, and hungry, makes time pass slowly.

7:20 a.m.

What a long, long morning! I’ve paid bills, done dishes, made my bed, swept the floor… still looking for tasks that won’t need my ongoing attention. I can leave for my appointment in one hour and ten minutes. Counting!

1:45 p.m.

Home again! As it turned out, the test was an ultrasound, not an x-ray. When the appointment was setup, the woman on the telephone said x-ray, but she was referring to the name of the lab, shortening it to just x-ray, when it was actually x-ray and ultrasound. This ultrasound was quite different than the one I had a year and a half ago, the technician checked out a lot more than was investigated in the previous test. Worrying, but perhaps not, could have been routine, she wasn’t saying. I’ll have to keep an eye on getting in to the walk-in clinic to hear the results. The technician did say that gallstones and cysts seldom just go away, I am hoping they haven’t gained any ground!

There are big fluffy clouds floating across the sky, outside my window. Occasionally they come between me and the sunshine, running interference. But those rays of light always return, if not today, then another day.

Coming to terms with this marriage breakdown is the challenge of a lifetime! I am up and down and all around, hopeful one minute, in despair the next, then feeling, and thinking, nothing at all for periods of time, which is sweet relief. This first year is going to be doozy! Everything in life serves to remind me that nothing is the same! After going through all of life’s ups and downs for a year, there will be familiar territory to return to, and some of what is up in the air now will have been worked through. But right now I am busy charting that new territory, making slow progress as I create a path through the murk.

Worldly Distractions

Pondering:

What could it mean when someone invites you to an event, even though they know that you would not, and perhaps could not, accept the invitation?
e.g. Inviting a person in a wheelchair to a party on the fourth floor of a building with no elevator or ramps, and narrow doors.

Weather

1°C
Date: 7:00 AM EST Thursday 1 February 2018
Condition: Mostly Cloudy
Pressure: 100.7 kPa
Tendency: Steady
Temperature: 0.6°C
Dew point: -2.9°C
Humidity: 77%
Wind: S 30 km/h
Visibility: 24 km

Quote

“I don’t want to be soothed with snake-oil promises. I want the truth. I want to feel either relief when I weather the storm more easily than I anticipated or composed acceptance when it’s as bad as I was warned it could be.”
Aunt Beulah

The Emptiness of Space

Writing, I hope coherently, is helping me maintain an internal balance.

“By virtue of that intactness, we have been able to make great bounds in what we can learn from them [artifacts, plates, teapots] about who made them and how they were used.”
Source: ARTfix Daily

Interesting how in our current culture professional (non-domestic) careers can be made looking into who used plates and teapots.

Another cold snap has arrived, and is predicted deepen so that Saturday night the temperature will drop to -28C here, and colder to the north. Sunday should bring warmer temperatures and more snow. While this is going on, the eastern seaboard of North America is being battered by severe winter weather conditions:
“The storm strengthened Thursday into a “bomb cyclone,” the dramatic name for what happens when a storm’s pressure plummets as it explosively intensifies. Though forecasters said this storm was among the most powerful ever observed on the East Coast, much of the cyclone actually remained in the Atlantic Ocean as it lashed the coastal states.”
Source: The Washington Post

Yesterday I gathered strength, downed a quick breakfast, and drove to the city to the walk-in clinic. I have needed to do this for months, since October really. There should have been a follow-up ultrasound to check on the significant gallstones, and the cyst in my kidney. I also want a CT scan of my head, to eliminate the possibility that I have an aneurism. The doctor was one I had not met, quite efficient, relatively friendly, and he will see that appointments are made to have the tests done.

When I came out of the walk-in clinic, which is downtown, I had some time left on the parking meter. It was an opportunity to walk around the area and explore. Just around the corner from the clinic was a shoe store selling well made shoes. The black slip-on walking shoes, purchased more than 15 years ago, have holes in the uppers, they are wearing out. Having a very high instep, most shoes will not fit, the foot will just not go into the shoe. There was but one pair of slip on shoes in the store that suited, both liked and ticking off all the buttons when it came to function. The size needed was not in stock, has been ordered, and I will be called when they arrive at the store, so that actual fit can be determined. They are expensive, well-made walking shoes, to be worn for many, many years, god willing. If they last as long as I want them to, they may outlive me.

Things here at Mist Cottage remain difficult, for both of us. Talking continues, revelations abound, life is an unexplored jungle, full of beauty and danger. Sometimes I forget to wear my pith helmet. Sometimes Attila hands it to me. Sometimes I hand him his.

Listening to music has been a welcome relief. It is then the energies from those I’ve loved, who are gone but not lost, come to me. Alone ceases to have meaning.

My crocheting continues to wait for me by my easy chair, ready to hold my hands. I have yet to manage enough focus to read my books, giving it a try every so often, to see if the cloud of confusion has lifted, if my eyes can see through the surrounding density.

The morning is moving on without me, I must eat, something I frequently forget to do just of late. Thank goodness a hearty soup sits in mason jars in the refrigerator, and a batch of fortifying Chocolate Cherry muffins sits on the kitchen counter.

The morning, arid, desiccatingly cold, has offered up sunshine. Funny old world.

Worldly Distractions

Weather

-21°C (our thermometer say -25C, and it is close enough to the house to be a little warm)
Date: 5:00 AM EST Friday 5 January 2018
Condition: Not observed
Pressure: 100.9 kPa
Tendency: Rising
Temperature: -20.8°C
Dew point: -26.5°C
Humidity: 60%
Wind: W 11 km/h
Wind Chill: -29

Quote

“True originality consists not in a new manner but in a new vision.”
Edith Wharton
1862 – 1937

“the emptiness of space outside the vagina”
An out of context quote from the song “The Waters” by Shakey Graves. I like it because as a stand alone statement, thinking about birth and life, it sheds light on the introspection of women, and that men seek reunion.

Floods!

There is flooding all around us! It began to rain on Thursday night, then we had heavy rainfall all day Friday, and it has rained all day today. Luckily we had installed a sump pump when the water main was broken in front of our house, which is carrying away the water accumulating below the floor of our basement. So far we are unscathed.

Many roads are closed, basements flooded, and the creeks and streams are running deep and fast and dangerous.

DSCF0579

A typical breakfast. The muffin is chock full of goodness, oats, sunflower seeds, flax seeds, raisins, an egg, crushed pineapple, desiccated coconut; it does also include a few tablespoons of chocolate chips, and I add two tablespoons of brown sugar to the recipe, so it is just a wee bit sinful. I measure the water I drink at breakfast, to make sure I get the correct amount recommended for taking the medication which must be taken with food and water.

On Thursday Terra called me and asked me if I wanted to take a trip to IKEA with her and Sunny and Sky. Who could say no, not me! Off we went and had a lovely time walking for hours and hours to see all the sights. Sunny is crawling now, and can pull herself up into a standing position. Somehow she discovered how to pull on her harness in the stroller, hard enough so that the back of the seat rose with her so that she could stand holding onto the back of the seat in front of her, Sky’s seat in the stroller. She stood, hands gripped tightly on the back of the front seat, little eyes and a nose just peeking above it, watching everything around her. So tiny and determined! Sky was content to sit in his seat, charming passers by with his big blue eyes and captivating smile. It is so much fun to walk around with these little characters. Sunny wasn’t feeling well on the drive back, I think she overdid it standing the whole time we were strolling through the store. Terra said she recovered quickly once she got her home, changed her diaper and clothes and cuddled for a while.

Friday I had my doctor’s appointment to discuss my bone density test and ultrasound. My bone density is normal, that is a blessing. The ultrasound showed cysts in one kidney, and some very large gallstones. Neither issue is serious, but he will keep an eye on the kidney cysts, so I have another ultrasound in six months time. More new tests though, to explore those chest pains. Looking at my back and stomach next to see if all is well there. I am glad of the opportunity for such a thorough investigation into these chest pains, but I will be glad when we establish that they signify nothing!

Worldly Distractions

Weather

RAINFALL WARNING IN EFFECT
Lightning Light Rain
8°C
Date: 8:00 PM EDT Saturday 6 May 2017
Condition: Light Rain
Pressure: 99.4 kPa
Tendency: Rising
Temperature: 8.2°C
Dew point: 7.9°C
Humidity: 98%
Wind: W 5 km/h
Visibility: 2 km

Quote

“I am glad your test results are good, they can always find little things that are not like when you were twenty.”

My Mom, what she wrote to me in response to my medical news of the day.

Exhaustion And One More Day To Go

This morning I awoke at 2 a.m. in considerable pain. It was abdominal pain. I assumed it would pass, so I paced, I sat on the throne, I paced. The pain went on and on, and then it got worse. By this time Attila was up for the day and getting ready for work. We pulled out of the driveway at the same time this morning, 6 a.m., Attila on his way to work, and me on the way to the emergency department at the hospital.

My hospital visit was a good one. My blood pressure was elevated, but since I know now that it will be like that when I go to the hospital emergency department, it was of no particular concern. They gave me pain killers and muscle relaxants intravenously, which took about thirty minutes to kick in. Blood was drawn, blood sugar was read, a urine sample collected. And after all that, the nurse covered me with a warm blanket and I fell fast asleep, for two hours. My problem was a UTI (urinary tract infection). I’d suspected this for weeks, but thought I had conquered it with cranberry juice and lots of fluids. I was wrong. They sent me off with a prescription for antibiotics, which I immediately filled at a local drug store. The whole adventure was done and dusted by 10 a.m. Fasting was required for the ultrasound, and by the time I arrived back home from the emergency department it was too late to eat, or drink anything but water. The appointment in the city for an ultrasound and bone density test were scheduled for 2 p.m., but I needed to leave the house by 12:30 p.m. to get there on time.

I was very tired by the time I had to leave to drive to my appointments, and kept myself awake by reciting rhymes and talking to myself. Not only had I not had much sleep the night before, I hadn’t eaten since suppertime yesterday, AND I hadn’t had my morning cup of coffee. The hardest part about the tests was drinking three glasses of water before leaving home, and trying to park in the city lot while distracted by my bladder, which was under considerable strain by then, considering I have a bladder infection on top of everything else. I was grateful that the violent sneezing portion of my cold had abated, that would have added a whole new level of stress to my parking efforts. Thank goodness for small mercies.

By the time I had made my way home again, I was exhausted. As I was unlocking the door to come into the house, Attila drove into the driveway, and we walked in together. He looked as bad as I felt, the common cold is still affecting him. We are both exhausted.

Attila says this cold is making the rounds where he works. Its characteristics are violent sneezing, persistent cough, runny nose, and significant eye irritation. One of Attila’s coworkers had to stay home from work with this cold last week, because his eyes were so irritated that it affected his vision. My eyes were very bad for one day, and have slowly been recovering.

It looks like we will attempt to have an early night tonight!

Tomorrow I have another Doctor’s appointment in the city. This time a pesky mole will be removed and biopsied. The only thing that concerns me about the visit is where to park the car! We aren’t that familiar with the city yet, and downtown parking is hard to find in busy traffic, with impatient drivers and aggressive pedestrians everywhere. Still, it has to be done, and eventually we will get used to it, and be able to find our way around with confidence!

Hopefully tomorrow is the last of this recent round of tests. Next are the doctor’s visits for the follow up after the results are received. I have my finger’s crossed that they all come back within the normal range!

If the weather was nice today I would not have noticed it! I think it was relatively nice, warmish, cloudy, with some rain. When I walked out to the car, to go to my appointments, the birds were singing and the breeze carried the faint scent of blossoms. I also noticed that our lungwort is up and beginning to bloom.

Worldly Distractions

Weather

9°C
Date: 6:00 PM EDT Tuesday 11 April 2017
Condition: Mostly Cloudy
Pressure: 101.9 kPa
Tendency: Rising
Temperature: 9.2°C
Dew point: 8.5°C
Humidity: 95%
Wind: NE 13 km/h
Visibility: 16 km

Quote

“I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I’m gonna put pins into all the locations that I’ve traveled to. But first, I’m gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won’t fall down.”
Mitch Hedberg
1968 – 2005