Turning Point

Three years ago I worked with a committee of international professionals to develop policy recommendations in the health care field. The work will be published soon, in an academic journal, and I will be one of the many authors of the piece. My contribution was small, and it was an honour to participate in this project. This will likely be my very last academic publication in an adjudicated journal. I wrote an article about my research, research conducted when I was an undergraduate, and it was vetted by, and published in, an adjudicated academic journal. This was advantageous to my career, and deleterious at the same time. Publishing in this way as an undergraduate was the subject of hot debate, and a lot of hostility from certain factions of the faculty, where I was studying for my degrees. It was good research, and deserved to be published, and it was my first academic publication in an adjudicated journal. I noticed this morning that the publisher John Wiley and Sons has picked up the publication, and it is now listed on their site. I am pleased that is has survived. Several copies are were also vetted by the Library of Congress, … Continue reading


I am stuck today. I am stuck nursing my broken heart. I would love to just not feel this, but if I numb myself to this pain it will submerge itself into a dark corner of my soul and reside there in perpetuity. So here I am crying over my losses again. This grieving is so circular. This broken heart of mine feels different to me though, every time I return to nurse it through another bout of emotions, just a tiny bit less intense each time, just a little less frightening. Today I just could not face heading out to a Tai Chi class, not feeling like this. So I am here at home, doing a bit of work on the computer, listening to some fingering guitar music on youtube, contemplating solitude, the past, the future, the present. I have been back to spending time daily on my elliptical machine. I continue to eat well, stay hydrated, and I even slept for almost six hours last night. I allow myself periods of numbness, so that I can gather strength to face walking this path alone, and to keep moving my feet, step by step, into the future. My family … Continue reading

Tail Feathers

Today the sun is shining, the thermometer says it is above freezing, the wind is blustering, and the snow is melting. Today is Family Day, a statutory holiday here in Ontario, Canada. I am celebrating by sitting in the sunshine and counting my blessings. Attila is working today, he has decided to work on statutory holidays. I had planned on attending a Tai Chi class this morning, but I was not diligent in my planning. The class began at 9:00 a.m., and I assumed it began at 10:00 a.m., I know not why. I decided to check the schedule as I was ready to walk out the door at 9:00 a.m., to drive to the class. I had my snack in my backpack, my water bottle was filled, I was ready! But alas, I was too late. I could go to an evening class, or perhaps to another morning class later in the week. Luckily I have options. I am keeping busy. This morning I put in an online order, for dish soap, and some other items that are impossible to find locally at a reasonable price. We use a dish soap with no additives, not dish detergent. The dishwashing … Continue reading

My Favourite Martian

It was a very busy week! The last of my “run about” activities was accomplished today, an appointment at the bank. Next week will be very busy as well, more banking to take care of, the insulation installation will take place, and I’ll be attending Tai Chi class and meditation classes as well. While using the elliptical machine, it works well to watch videos on the computer. The Amazon Prime account comes with access to limited programming, and one of the programs currently available are reruns of My Favorite Martian (1964). I have begun to watch an episode each time I spend time on the machine. I enjoy this sitcom, even though it is packed with isms that were acceptable at the time that it was produced. The Martian perspective on life on earth just made so much sense! In episode three, Tim is making Uncle Martin a cup of tea. The kettle on his range is exactly the same as the one here at Mist Cottage. A good design that has lasted over 50 years! The weather was lovely today, billowing clouds floating across the sky, lovely sunshine, and melting snow. I don’t really know where the day went. … Continue reading

Day of Hearts

Today I am honouring my heart by writing about how I am really feeling. Valentine’s Day has never been a day I’ve understood. None of the men, that I have lived with, have been romantic, but for a rare moment. I don’t really know what all the fuss is about with Valentine’s Day, the whole thing is beyond my experience. This particular Valentine’s Day is one where I am not anyone’s “special person”, and I’ve been here before. It seems a bit of a harsh way to live out the rest of my life, but there it is, being what it is, reality doing its thing. It seems to me that it is no accident that this day of hearts falls close to mid-winter. The seemingly endless cold and dark, slowly giving way to longer days of light, and warmth. One more day to come this first year of singleness, that will resonate with loss, and that is the wedding anniversary, I will be glad when that has come and gone! Today the fellow from the window company is coming to take detailed measurements for the new windows. They will all be custom made for the house, will be energy … Continue reading