Routines

After balmy, above freezing weather, that melted all the snow in our yard, we are experiencing another cold snap, which the weather gurus say will be short lived. Attila and I went to buy groceries this morning, and it was bitterly cold walking across the wind swept parking lots. The oil furnace is heating the house, and I find myself enjoying the flow of warm air coming out of the floor register. This afternoon I am making another batch of banana muffins, with the last two bananas that were purchased last week, both wonderfully, aromatically overripe. Attila cooked stir fried vegetables and I baked some chicken breasts for supper. We watched an hour of the series The Almighty Johnsons. Old routines are still here, but they feel empty, the emptiness echoes. I have started sleeping with the blanket I crocheted. It feels so warm, so soft, and squeezable. It has become my safety blanket, something I can hold onto, or wrap around myself, when the cold blast of reality is rattling my bones.

Wonderful Visit

What a wonderful visit I had with my friend Joan! She arrived on Tuesday evening, and caught the train to carry on in her travels this morning. Tuesday night we talked almost all night, so good for the soul. We did a lot of catching up, she told me all about her trip to Italy, with photographs and vivid descriptions of a palace, which housed rooms featuring various collections. She even came to Yoga class with me. I hope we see each other again soon! My personal life continues to be very painful, and uncertain. There seems no possibility that a marital relationship can exist, Attila is adamant. Pain is boring, but it is intense, and it takes up a lot of space here at Mist Cottage. The weather is mild, it has been raining off and on this evening. I took advantage of the clear roads to drive to the city. During my visit to the shoe store last week, I tried on many pairs of shoes, but only one pair fit reasonably well. They didn’t have my size, so they requested a pair be sent from another store. They called yesterday to say the shoes had arrived, so … Continue reading

Whirling

I write, then I archive. I am not feeling quite so brave today. Today is an emotional day, emotions are whirling around. My friend is coming in to town tonight by train, I will pick her up at the station. This morning’s little projects have included vacuuming, making up the bed she will sleep in while she is here, and just generally tidying things up. I watched the movie Ove today, it is a lovely film, a lovely story, sad but hopeful, I cried a lot. I really must restrict myself to comedies for the foreseeable future! I am looking forward to spending time with my friend during her visit, we haven’t seen each other for about 14 years, lots to catch up on. We met in 1987, at a party, a BBQ, and have been friends ever since. Worldly Distractions Weather 0°C Date: 2:00 PM EST Tuesday 9 January 2018 Condition: Cloudy Pressure: 102.3 kPa Tendency: Rising Temperature: -0.4°C Dew point: -7.5°C Humidity: 59% Wind: WNW 17 gust 27 km/h Wind Chill: -5 Visibility: 24 km Quote “The only function of economic forecasting is to make astrology look respectable.” John Kenneth Galbraith 1908 – 2006 I was looking for … Continue reading

Percy

I never met a Percy I didn’t like. It isn’t a common name, but I do meet men who answer to it from time to time. My most significant Percy is my Great Uncle, my Grandpa’s brother. I don’t think I ever heard him speak a whole sentence, and yet his presence was strong, and delightful. There was always a twinkle in his eye, as he greeted our visits to his farm, when I was a child. His wife, my Great Aunt Goldie, would always have a freshly baked batch of Chelsea Buns to offer us, when we visited. I have no great insights into the day to day challenges they faced in their lives, but I do know that I was always welcome there, I always felt as if I belonged. I never questioned that feeling of belonging back then, in my Mom’s family, it was like oxygen, it was just there. I didn’t work for it. I didn’t have to manufacture it. It existed naturally from the way people lived. I miss that in this big shiny ugly edifice of a world we live in, or maybe I just miss being a child in a world protected by … Continue reading

Blank

Fear affects a persons perceptions. That is one of my biggest challenges right now, fear control. Even small changes, small shifts, invite me to fall into a state of near panic… what does this or that mean, are things going to get a lot worse now, and how, what don’t I see coming, what shocking surprise is around the corner. I am controlling the fear, for the moment, with writing. I write down every outrageous thought that enters my head, be it founded or unfounded. This is helping considerably; and particularly when the unfounded fear turns out to actually be unfounded. I have quite a collection of recorded fears, and some of them have been crossed out, not all though, not all. The cold is bitter today. If I sit near the exterior walls of the house I feel chilled. Tonight the low is predicted to fall to -27C, with a wind chill of -39. Indoors is the only reasonable place to be. When the world warms, the snow is supposed to arrive in force. Winter is making herself felt. I slept for six solid hours last night, for the first time in weeks. When I got up in the … Continue reading