In between my short bouts of complete emotional meltdown, they come and go during the day, I am getting things done.
Today I called the pharmacy to inquire if there are medications that the walk-in clinic doctors would actually prescribe for me, for insomnia, that would work. I have tried all the home remedies, and still I am only sleeping around four hours a night, a few nights I get more sleep than that, but frequently less. I am in sleep deficit, and I think this intensifies the feelings of fear and pain, and makes it more difficult to deal with them effectively. The pharmacist told me there are several options, so it is going to be worthwhile to go in to the walk-in clinic and try to get a prescription. I regard the medication as a temporary leg-up, to let me rest adequately through this ordeal.
I spent a lot of time, yesterday and today, looking at classes and activities in the city, and found something I want to attend this weekend, during the day. I will go and see what it is like. I am actively looking to replace my yoga class with something more life affirming.
I have decided not to return to the yoga class. Three factors make it a poor fit: one, there are males in the class and one of them is showing an unwelcome, but not odious, interest in me, yuck; two, the invisible ball throwing game is not my cup of tea, and it gives the male the opportunity to make eye contact with me and interact with me, double yuck; three, the class is geared to the needs of several developmentally delayed individuals, who are brought there by their PSW (Personal Support Worker), and while I have no objection to the class accommodating their specific needs, I don’t need what they need, and feel the class is a poor fit for me. I think my presence would not be an asset to the group, or to me. I have decided to just stop going, and write off the expense, I had to pay for the whole session to join, and buy a membership in the organization. I will write off the membership fee as a contribution to the organization. I tried, good for me, I tried. This class was taking more away from me than it was giving me.
Right now in particular, an activity either has to add something of value to my life, or I won’t be bothering with it.
Hopefully the activity that I am planning to attend this weekend will be enjoyable. It is hard to tell on a first visit, because the nervousness of a new situation can colour the experience. I usually give new experiences like this three tries before I decide about them, unless there are compelling reasons not to.
I paid bills today, not a fun job, but it is my job, always has been. Glad to have all that sorted, things got behind over Christmas and are starting to right themselves again.
Also managed 25 minutes on the elliptical.
It is mild today. The snow is melting, and the sky is gray. I keep the handmade table lamp in the corner of the room turned on, as it adds a lovely golden glow to the living room.
Date: 1:00 PM EST Thursday 18 January 2018
Condition: Light Snow
Pressure: 101.6 kPa
Dew point: -8.4°C
Wind: WSW 15 km/h
Wind Chill: -10
Visibility: 11 km
“Love is everything it’s cracked up to be… It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for.”