Every once and a while I look at my personal horoscope. I don’t think this is particularly predictive of anything. I do think it alerts me to the kinds of energy that influence my corporeal placement in the universe, energies that will influence my context, and my person. I have found, over the last thirty years, that in my case, the transits of the planets do offer insights into the energies I deal with in my life.
I am in for a challenging year. Huge changes will be required of me, some people will cause me serious grief, I don’t know who, there won’t be much fun to be had over the next twelve months. That is what the planets are saying, as some serious, once in a lifetime transits move across my chart. The circling planets are playing out in real life, as my marriage has suddenly ended, and I must learn to move forward in time by myself, face my challenges alone. Real life is reflecting the intense personal celestial configuration.
Life is very heavy.
I am glad I didn’t know this was coming, at least I had a time of peace and safety in my life, relatively free from fear, living for 25 years with someone who liked and loved me.
The weekend was intense, with many issues being addressed, some not to be visited again, others will present ongoing challenges. It was exhausting for both of us. There is no immediate plan for Attila to move out, which has its pros and cons. At this point I see it as mostly pros, and Attila probably does too, because he is still here. The real con for me, is that living in the same place makes it harder to keep my hope, and my fear, from making false interpretations. I am learning a great deal about both hope and fear.
Another cold morning. There are a few distant clouds in the sky as the dawn creeps along the horizon.
The day stretches in front of me. I will work on a web site I am updating. I will work crocheting my blanket. I will go to the bank to get some loonies, because parking in the city where I go to the walk-in clinic, and to my specialists appointments, requires me to pay for parking, in the meters. That is as far as I can think for today.
I am not noticing the extent of my mental confusion, until I undertake to deal with things in the house that were once thought of as “ours”, and now have an ambiguous status. In dealing with these items I find that after experiencing sharp pain, a brief and almost unbearable grief, I have trouble thinking about how I should, or want to, proceed. I have to abandon what I am doing, regain my composure, then return to it when I am feeling calmer. It feels like these tasks take forever, although in reality they do not. Emotions strongly influence my sense of time.
I have been disassembled, and the parts aren’t fitting back into the places they fell out of.
I have appointments for the needed X-Ray and CT scan, coming up in February. These are relatively unintrusive procedures, so other than the parking, there is little stress involved. It seems a positive thing to have something concrete written on the calendar, to have known events in the uncertain future.
Date4:00 AM EST Monday 15 January 2018
Condition: Not observed
Pressure: 104.2 kPa
Dew point: -21.7°C
Wind: NE 19 km/h
Wind Chill: -29
“Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: You don’t give up.”